Considering the Truth about Female Desire

Just a few days ago I was watching a Canadian program on the Australian SBS channel called The Truth about Female Desire. Interesting to watch to say the least. It stated that women have been freed from their previous chains of prudence in expressing their sexuality. According to the program, especially women of over 50-years of age are now expressing their sexuality in a very different way from before. This change was possible with the invention of the pill, the program further claims. Now we are free to digitally hook up through apps and Internet sites with whoever we want, whenever we want without having to consider pregnancy as a result of our behaviour. I am considering if there is a downside to this freedom from the point of view of my research to pornography and violence against women during the last 30 years,

I have just finished writing a book about romance scams and how to recover from them with dignity and without victimisation. In my book, I consider the modern digital lifestyle that allows us to hook up with everybody with ease and without needing to leave the comfort of our own home. Interestingly, I have had two types of experiences with online dating myself. The most surprising to me were the Internet dating sites that allow people to meet with people around the world and start a romance with them without ever even seeing them alive, not even on Skype.This resulted in me becoming a victim of a romance scam of which my book is about. The second type of experience has been the kind this program is talking about where you hook up with people near you that are available to chat and meet you, if you so desire. Zoosk, for example is big on hooking you up with real people of the opposite sex quickly and with varying results. Still I am left skeptical about the statement about the freedom of sexual expression. See, I was there thirty years ago as well. Now, I am considering the boundaries of where the so called freedom of sexual expression has led us. I am left wondering about what is the definition of freedom when talking about sexual desire.

The women interviewed in this particular program are very convincing. One of them is now free to express her masochistic side better than before. This is due to the world wide sensation of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. This particular book has now been given the dubious credit of freeing the female sexual expression and desire from its dormant captivity. Interestingly, I have read the Kama Sutra and seen the pictures as well, and I have had that book since the early 1980's myself. I just cannot believe that we have been so innocent before either.

In 1984, I attended a seminar on pornography in Danmark. There I met a woman who was a hooker, by her own definition and a masochist by her own definition, as well. I always thought that it was somewhat bizarre that her best masochistic fantasy was to have her man force her to ride a bicycle to the shop without having underwear. Well, Fifty Shades of Grey certainly topped that one for me. However, I have totally missed the sexual freedom part of the equation. I still do not see that the freedom of sexual expression has emancipated anything worth considering as free. Rather, it has been digitally reprogrammed to make the women play to the male model even more than before. Where is the freedom in that? What I really would like to see is the freedom to build compassionate relationships between people with no underlying double morality. Unfortunately it has not played out like that at all. 

Instead, even the Playboy magazine will now stop featuring the nude centerfolds as an expression of good business decision. According to the editor, we have bypassed the need as the Internet is now providing all that is required for those who want to look at porn or express their sexual freedom. Instead we now can be free to have more casual sex hook-ups than ever before. And that is considered freedom. Where is the truth about female desire? 

I'd rather go dancing with my love and express my sexual desire in passionate acts of love and love making than count how many hook-ups I can have in a week. I'd rather look at it from the point of view of making the world a bit more compassionate through less conflict and more hugs. I'd rather people express their desire in any form they choose instead of being boxed in a model that is restraining to their soul even though it might fleetingly feel freeing to their body. 

And that is the truth of that!

Special Report on the TAINTED LOVE. Exploring the Reality of Romance Fraud. Symposium in Brisbane 31/05/2016

Delia Richard, Sharon Armstrong, Dr Cassandra Cross, Davis Hillyard and Prof Reece Walters
This report here is the written out version of my  LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS, SPECIAL REPORT on the TAINTED LOVE Exploring the Reality of Romance Fraud SYMPOSIUM.

The YouTube Love on the Line TV Conversations Report

Here is the script:

I am really pleased to welcome you to the Love on the Line TV Conversations SPECIAL REPORT on a very exciting event. Namely, the ‘Tainted Love’. Exploring the reality of romance fraud. A Symposium that was held in Brisbane last week. (31/05/2016)

The Symposium was organized by Dr Cassandra Cross and hosted by the Crime and Justice Research Centre at QUT.

I was privileged to be in attendance and display my book Love on the Line at the symposium, of which I am really grateful for. Because, we need more of the stories of the victims of romance fraud to be shared amongst the public.

What I am showing you here are the highlights of the Symposium as I experienced them. It is my take on the issue of romance scams. Especially about the prevention and support of the victims to enhance their or our recovery as I myself am one of the survivors.

If later my report inspires you to listen or see some of the whole speeches given at the symposium, the link to the recordings will appear below when it comes available. But you can check the QUT Crime and Justice Research Centre’s Website through the link.

I should warn you, though,  that this report does not give you all the details of Ms Sharon Armstrong’s plight when she was scammed to becoming a drug mule through a romance scam and arrested in Argentina and imprisoned there for two and half years. You can read all about it by clicking the links provided.

What I heard and am reporting here is how I relate to her personal survival and recovery story from the incident which started several years ago and has impacted her whole life and will impact just about every decision she makes from here on. I am very pleased to have recorded a separate Love on the Line TV conversation with her. So, stay tuned and subscribe so that you will not miss is for it is in the making.

It is warming to my heart to witness such compassion in an event of this kind and willingness to practical action in order to resolve issues around romance fraud although we know how ineffective our work sometimes is as there are more and more scammers appearing. But what is the most important issue that is being touched here at the symposium and can be changed is the way the victim survival and recovery is handled.

Sharon Armstrong’s story has touched me deeply. We met the first time last year when she was invited to speak at our QLD Police Headhunters for the Fraud Prevention Support group. This group meets every second Sunday on the month. Then, I blogged about her. Just click the link to read it.

Sharon’s story has similar kind of elements to mine. She fell fast and hard, just like me. She is a person who has had previous experience about similar situations which could have applied to her scamming circumstance if she would have known to see the connections. Just like me she did not.

His first message to me had me hooked, like I never been before.
To cut a very long and sordid story short, I fell hard and fast.

I should have recognised the grooming that was accruing. I mean in a previous life, I had worked within corrections and I had had many of encounter with sex offenders and opportunities to study their technique. But no, I had my rose coloured classes on.

With the benefit of hindsight, I now believe, the scammers respond to your insecurities, your desires and your kindness. They look for those who are trusting, compassionate, and looking either consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously for someone, or something to fulfill, what you feel will enrich your life in some way.

The fraudsters are clever and can change their technique as quickly as the need occurs, because when Sharon at first was anxious about the situation and just about nearly told the scammer that the situation with him and her was ‘too good to be true’. He told her that it was not about the money.

He tells me I would be his PA. Really, his fiancée, he says. How funny is that? I think now. Me, who has never held any intention of ever marrying again was being excited by the thought of this man wanting to marry me.

Sharon’s story is very moving. To me, it is very incredible that a woman of this caliber would be able to be scammed and framed like she had been. But thinking of how I too fell and was duped although my experience was just a brief encounter compared to hers, I now understand better the depth of the betrayal, she went through. She did all the right things, checked all the right sources, including the man’s said company, although she did not know then that later it was taken off the Internet. Luckily her family was her backbone, though.

I remember promising them that I would cope and I would get through this, regardless of the consequences.

I went through feeling of huge shame. The knowledge that my family was suffering and that I should have known better was overwhelming. Most days, I kept torturing myself as to why I hadn’t seen all the signs that now seemed so obvious. Finally, I reached the point where I knew that these thoughts were not healthy. I didn’t want to feel like a victim - anymore. I came to realise that I would survive this and come out with new knowledge and understanding of how these things happened.

So, how did I achieve this?

Family, friends, strangers support and unconditional belief in me, prayer, humour, positive thoughts, remaining focused, routine, working within the prison and knowing ther is always someone else facing tougher challenges.

Listening to Sharon made me deeply grateful to know that there are people who have taken up the fight for the survivors of romance scams.

The next speaker was Dr Casandra Cross herself. I have been impressed by her research, both previous and the new one.

Dr Cassandra Cross:

Just to give you context. I’ve been researching in this area for just over eight years now. In the previous life, I actually worked for the QLD Police service and that was where I was introduced to the problem of fraud. And that is when I started to talking to people like Sharon, who were brave enough to share their stories.

When we think about romance fraud; what exactly is it? I know I’ve had lots of questions, I guess from a lot of media, I’ve done. How is romance fraud different to just a bad relationship? And, I think they are both bad relationships. I think many people would agree with that.

So, the victim is defraud through the guise of a legitimate relationship and I think this is what’s problematic, because as we heard Sharon say. She was in that relationship and while she was questioning, she was blinded. I guess, had the blinkers on about the person and how she felt about him and how she thought he felt about her.

So, there is research on this that the Internet facilitates a more intense relationship. That people ate more open on the Internet. And can develop what is perceived to be a more intimate and intense relationship online than face to face. And the main finding to come out of this is the double headed victimisation. 

I can certainly say from the victims that I have spoken in this current research that it’s the loss of the relationship that is actually , I think harder to take, sometimes, than the loss of the money. Because that is what has the significant impact on them.

Dr Cassandra Cross stressed again and again that the impact of romance fraud is far greater than just the money. The feeling of shame and the blaming the victim looks to be one of the main problems of the victims not coming forwards and sharing their stories. The new research Cassandra is taking on will be explaining romance fraud from the framework of domestic violence. That is certainly my understanding and experience that there is a direct link there to be found. So, I am especially excited about the coming research and am looking forwards to having a Love on the Line TV conversation as well.

The two Government Officials who were in attendance and speaking at the symposium were very compassionate people and I was so happy to meet them.

Delia Richard spoke of all the interesting action the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission is taking. She said that the romance fraud is a number one priority with the Scamwatch.

She also addressed the misconception about who and which gender was more targeted by the scammers. According to her the ACCC statistics show that it is about 50/50 but that men lose a bit more money. Delia praised Cassandra’s new research as very important because it will connect the romance fraud with the domestic violence and many victims ‘not so uncommon’ past relationship experience with violence in the family they grew up with. It can easily predispose the victims accommodating behavior as the keepers of peace in their relationships.

Lastly, David Hillyard who talked about the very successful Project Sunbird in Western Australia. I had previously heard a lot about this project and was very excited to hear what he said.

Part of this was touched by Sharon. It’s about that perfect business model and that perfect business model about low inputs but big outtakes. One of the other essential elements of this criminal behavior is that you can confuse the authorities both in one country or one state, or across the world. And this sort of scam is that perfect model. It falls between the cracks everywhere.

I said before, the earlier we intervene, the less losses people sustain but we are not stopping it. Programs that are out there that the scammers are operating, the criminal groups that are operating out there are recruiting as fast as we stop it.

So, I guess our last message is: They are still coming. And they don’t stop coming.

David finished with: “It’s a strange old world we are working with.” And I am certain he knows and has great experience in working with those people who need convincing about the fraudsters being what they are. Luckily he also said that by sending letters to people that have been sending money offshore, progress is being made. So we ended up with a hopeful note on all accounts.

I certainly learned a huge amount about romance fraud and I am able to go forwards to work on my own small way to raise the awareness about romance scams around the place.

I very much thank the speakers and you all for watching and listening. This will all be in my blog and on YouTube so keep subscribing. There is more to come with the Love on the Live TV Conversations. Next it will be that conversation with Sharon Armstrong I promised before, so stay tuned.

Have a very good day for now and keep fighting and #standup2scams as Sharon has put it.

USEFUL TWITTER HANDLES:

@ejuusola @standup2scams @CrimeJusticeQUT @DrCassCross @Scamwatch_gov @ConsumerWA

My Website
My Facebook Page

How to Become a Key Person of Influence (KPI): Revisited and Revised Conference

I think that every person who is interested in entrepreneurship should know about the book called Key Person of Influence and about KPI Business Brand Accelerator seminars. Personally, I got to know about them 18 months ago, when I first attended a seminar in Brisbane. I was completely mesmerised by what I learned that day. I even attended the strategy session that was held the day after. It was there that I decided to write a book. 

At the time, I was still thinking about what my book would be about but the day solidified my thoughts and gave me clear purpose. I decided that my experience as a survivor of a Romance Scam was important enough to share with others. However, we honestly looked at it with Glen Carlson and decided that I did not quite fit the program. However, on that day I did meet a person who would became an important partner for me. Chris Henderson ended up becoming my coach and helping me to break some very solid barriers that I had imagined I had. The moment I knew that there would be another KPI seminar, I bought a ticket straight away. I was curious to know how the people who had started with the program were doing and was not disappointed in any way. They were doing fantastic, thank you very much. How wonderful is that!

One and half years ago these guys were good. Now they absolutely blew my mind by their presentations and by their wit. It is extremely well done when you can happily laugh with the other attendees and comfortably share little silliness alongside of an important futuristic message. In my mind I always rate the success of a venture by the ease, showmanship and the confidence I see the MC displaying. Glen has certainly been a wonderful leader. The results speak for themselves. Before it was a good day, now I think I should be on the program.

We heard the same speakers as last time, speaking about the same topics as last time. Then, they were inspirational. Now, they all were much sharper and more refined. This time, I never looked at the clock and wonder when the next break would be. I did not sense a moment of hesitancy from any of them. Saying this in a blog seems like a trivial thing to notice but I feel it is not. See, last time, I also found them incredibly inspirational. Now, they were even better. This time you knew that they had been successful beyond their own expectations and that confidence showed like a beam of light sighting through. You can even read it from the new and revised version of the book.

What Daniel Priestley before called a Five-Step Sequence has now become a Method. The Internet that he, just a few years ago pinpointed as the most influential 'game changer' has been further sharpened in the term 'digital' and that in its turn is explained as 'revolutionary stuff'. He now gets his own point and tells it through a story of a microphone. I love his explanation about the concept 'micro-niche' applied to his method. His explanations fits the theory of my favorite economist Thorsten Veblen's 1901 model of how the consumption process runs, from the elite to the masses and from the bulk to the specified, macro to micro and so on. Here, he is explaining the communication system enhanced with the development of technology. I have explained just about anything from scamming to dolls through the same theory. It fits. How clever is that. And new trends just keep on emerging.

So, the story of the KPI Business Brand Accelerator has clearly matured in the few years that I have followed their progress. It is an interesting thing to witness. I am really happy that I went. I definitely got a lot of new inspiration from the day. I thank all the speakers: Glen Carlson, Matthew Michalewicz, Andrew Griffiths, Tim Dwyed, Valerie Khoo and Jo Burston for the new focus.

And since it just has been the International Women's Day when I am writing this blog post, I leave you with a picture. It is of Jo Burston, Founder of Inspiring Rare Birds, an international network of women entrepreneurs. She is talking about the importance of the positive mindset. This half of a sentence:  "And by the way, you are waterproof", stuck with me. For women, it certainly means a lot. Here it is, enjoy and please, check the links. They might save your business, if not your life.

What PornHarmsKids Symposium Thought Me about Pornography and Harm in the New Millennium

It has been 21-years since I attended a conference on Human Trafficking, Prostitution or Pornography. I quit for a while because after 15-years of researching these topics, traveling the world and talking about it, I had become disillusioned about the world. I actually related to just about anything through my research on pornography. I saw the patterns of power-over and subjugation everywhere.

Now, I realise that it is because our memory is built through patterns and anything outside these patterns we notice and remember. For me, there was nothing outside the patterns of violence I detected around me. My brain had been collecting material since a very young age and at that time I could relate everything, including children's play and dolls through the dichotomy of power over and subjugation that can be found at the heart of the idea of the pornographic message. I felt I had to get out and save myself from too much harm. Luckily, moving to Australia was the solution and a new career in age care and community building was the salvation. But how long can it last before the universe provides new impetus for thought for someone who is trying to ignore it the best she could? Not long. Somewhere in my subconsiousness, I did keep up with the issues and the connections kept adding up. Then I found myself a target of a romance scam and wham, the world made sense again. 

My book Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation is a result of that shock of becoming a victim of a scam. Through it I explain the bigger picture that I see through the patterns built in my brain about power over and subjugation through pornography, romance book reading and scamming. Now I am detecting scams in everything, especially in how we relate to each other as human beings. I am already in the process of writing a sequel. But before it my mission was to update my knowledge about pornography and harm it brings to us in the new Millenium.

Luckily, I saw the online add for the PornHarmsKids Symposium. It was held at the University of NSW on the 9th of February. I got my plane ticket and donated in my fee as advised and all and all, I was a little late but got there anyway. And this is what I learned on one day listening to very professional speakers and discussing the topics with other concerned attendees:

Unfortunately, I learned that nothing much has changed in 20-years I have not been active in this field. Or maybe everything has changed, depending on your view of things. I now, hold a personal 35-year historian view based on my own research about how the message of pornography harms human beings; women, men and children; those that are vulnerable and being used as pawns to earn money for those others with callous minds or otherwise disruptive behavior thought patterns about the matter of power-over and subjugation. I'll be frank. 

The most profound change is visibility. Or maybe not! Remember the billboards? We drive past them with the family everywhere. Well, during the 1980's porn was plastered directly on them. It's message was interfering with our lives most anywhere, I remember those sexualised women sitting on some fancy cars on billboard and I remember having to explain all of it to my son and my daughter. Even porn magazines were advertised along with alcohol and tobacco. We fought them down in Europe, USA and Scandinavia and the world followed through. The argument was: porn is everywhere. And it was. Unfortunately, just as the solutions for those times were put in place, Internet appeared and the visibility shifted to homes and anywhere with access to it. The message remained unchanged. Though, now we could view it from the comfort of our own space and more of us could find and watch porn without interruptions.

The other profound difference has come through brain research, actually. For now we KNOW, what we only had an inkling about during the 1980's. Our brain is affected by what we see. It builds patterns and our actions follow through, if we let them. And, now we also know that it take around 25-years to grow a fully functioning frontal cortex with the ability to rationalise. So, we know that young brains are affected and harmed the most by what they pick up along the growing process. PornHarmsKids Symposium was all about how to tackle that huge problem we are faced with by free access to online pornography. There are some alarming sign detected about our behaviour as human adults and kids in relation to how we see the world and act on impulses of the ideas that are presented to us. This can be really bad news for women and girls as our lives are heavily affected through vulnerability and conditioning. I am not saying that the men and boys are not affected. They are but the power-over and subjucation clause of pornography clearly points to the victim as female. It is hard to detect, I know. 

In fact, one of the speakers at PornHarmsKids Symposium, Dr Tucci, actually theorised that the different way the boys and the girls react to pornography points to inequality. He said that he could not understand what it was in that in boys, porn trickers their arousal response, while this does not happen in girls. Conditioning perhaps, he suggested. Well, I know! After all we live in a patriarchy and the messages in porn are molded to mirror the power-over and subjugation clauses inbuilt in the very structures of our society. Not a very hard thing to draw a conclusion from there. 

For me the rest of the symposium was about finding what practical advice, each and every speaker could give in order to best tackle the problems at hand. Three big ones come to mind:

Melinda Thankard Reist forwarded the messages that young girls want to say to boys about relationships:

And the @Cypercop1 Susan McLean gave advice to parents who are struggling to cope with the ever expanding world of pornography and how to explain and guide their children to avoid abuse and hate.

And lastly, Collett Smart gave us the 10 Body Safety Rules that can help a child to recognise where the boundaries lie:

There is an excellent PornHarmsKids website to go to for more information. From there you can get the videos and the articles that keep coming about the symposium and about the issue. I am really pleased that I went. Meeting all these brave and courageous people has given me hope. Also look up the Twitter handles @PornHarmsKids and @CollectiveShout. I know that young people themselves are very concerned and they will come up with some solutions of their own, once they are educated about this issue in an open and nonjudgmental atmosphere. 

Until that time, it is our responsibility to keep working at it. It is our responsibility to insert hope, recovery and happy endings positivity to the world. Hopefully you'll follow along and take action for the betterment of the situation and the world. Every era needs their own solutions. Let's find the ones that work now in the new Millennium.