Imaginary or Real Life Relationships? That is the Quiestion.

  Why is it so hard to build a relationship in real life? What happens when we meet someone and feel the attraction? Does it go both ways and if it does, how long does it last? What is the attraction of Apps like Tinder? And what does Twitter and texting has to do with our rewards system in the brain? To start to answer these questions here is a picture I found from Scammer Mimes Facebook page that got me thinking. It states:

    “You were much more interesting when you were online.” Does that sound about right?

   I recently met a man through an online dating site. He was perfect. His picture was perfect. His profile was perfect and in our messaging and texting, he insinuated that he was truly interested in the same things that I am. He was also very supportive to my writing career. I had written about scamming and he thought that it was appropriate. He said that he did not want losers, he wanted for us to support each other in whatever we wanted to achieve in life. It all sounded wonderful and I allowed myself to think and imagine what we could do together. And that in its turn was a great turn on for me. It was as if I had actually met him and as if we had already built our relationship. My dopamine hormone got me high just thinking about it. I am good at that. We messaged for a good two weeks and then decided to meet in person. We would meet at a popular café, about half way from each other. And that we did.

   When we met, it was like instant connection. It was as if my expectations were thoroughly met by this man walking down the street to meet me. He was handsome, and he walked in a manner a confident man walks. The moment he said hi and smiled produced a high in my brain. Wow, this was going somewhere and fast. Instant attraction, instant connection and I knew it was mutual. And we had not met through Tinder, so I thought that it was not about sex, at least not entirely. So, we talked and walked and cuddled and after I left, I crashed. I got stressed, depressed and anxious and felt like running away and very quickly at that. So what happened?

   My brain suddenly reacted by increased production of the stress hormone cortisol as well as the fight-or-flight hormone adrenaline, which caused a mental fog. I got thoroughly confused about what I should do. My decision-making capabilities were at cero. So, I went home and soothed my brain by checking on Facebook and then on Twitter. I checked all my emails and deleted most of them, so that I would feel like I had done something worth mentioning. And then I saw that someone had posted an article about what happens in your brain when you multitask. And it all clicked into place. Once again, I had used my literary, imaginary capabilities to make my dream date perfect and could not see the forest from the fog afterwards.

This article explains it:
                    “[By] asking the brain to shift attention from one activity to another causes the prefrontal cortex and striatum to burn up oxygenated glucose, the same fuel they need to stay on task. And the kind of rapid, continual shifting we do with multitasking causes the brain to burn through fuel so quickly that we feel exhausted and disoriented after even a short time. We’ve literally depleted the nutrients in our brain.”

   But what happened, I ask. Why did I react the way I did in the first place?
Well, I wrote that pink book called Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation. And my rational mind recognised the signs although my emotional brain went on producing the high and enjoying the ride as well. So, I sort of baked the cake and ate it as well.

  It is good to know that I have learned something from my own mistakes and experience. However, that has not yet resulted in my brain building all new neural pathways that would immediately prevent me from making bad decisions. I still do make them and afterwards I regret. The man I met wanted just sex, after all and when he got only reluctant kisses and cuddles during our walk, he turned nasty. He insulted me and my mother, my daughter and couple of other well-chosen words came out of the same mouth that had previously told me how beautiful I looked and how attractive he found me. Luckily, the situation ended there and he did not follow when I turned around and walked to my car and left. So, what should I do?

   Should I stop looking for love and believing in the good in everyone or maybe just keep reading romance books, like I have always done? It is a hard question and in this new instant digital world we live in, a valid question as well. Building real relationships in the instant gratification real life is hard. Particularly, when the other party only wants what he thinks he is entitled to get after pretending to be nice online. That is why he is more interesting there. And I might leave him there, at least just for now, while I gather my positivity after the crash and find the things that I should be grateful about, like that I once again survived, not an online dating scam but a real life personal treat.

   I recon we should think about that for a while and just stay on course to see what could be done to somewhat heal this broken world and the broken dreams it carries and offers to those who like to always think the best of everything.

Contemplation on Social Media

The Community Services Forum held at Cleveland discussing Social Media trends and the future of Volunteering.





The Queensland Compact, held at Sunshine Coast, Social Media Workshop.





Aged Care Services Forum held in Brisbane, encouraging participants to look at Social Media as Human Potential.





The members of Logan Country Chamber of Commerce at Jimboomba, being encouraged by Russell Lewis to use Social Media as a marketing tool.





Ehon Chan at Innovate Symposium Social Media Workshop organised by Volunteering QLD.





Yvette Adams introducing the Westside Business Women to Social Media usage in small business marketing at their breakfast meeting in Springfield Lakes.

Discussing the trends

It is unanimous, inevitable, decided and agreed that our world has gone through a complete Social Media revolution in a few years. We are more connected, accessible and visible than ever before. It is not a question of do we like it, it is a question of how to use it to the best of it's ability.

We do not run our businesses on like, we operate them on professionally well thought strategies. The use of Social Media is not a choice, it is a survival strategy that is being introduced to every facet of our lives, business and private.

There is no way a modern business owner, or a non-profit organisation can ignore Social Media as a viable tool for getting the message across to the existing customers and potential target groups.

Every layer of our society, from the Commonwealth and the State Governments and Advocacy Organisation to the smallest of the business owners and groups is considering Social Media.

Lately, we have witnessed the impact of Social Media in surviving catastrophes and influencing political decision making. It has been effectively used in gathering large crowds to one place to demonstrate or take action.

There is no doubt that the Social Media as a tool cannot be ignored. It can only be embraced and used to it's best advantage.

Those who are still in doubt should maybe try to apply the Critical Thinking Methods to how, where and which vehicle to use for their social media messages to be most efficient in the market place.

I have found that for a non-profit community organisation building a positive and engaging community through the social media outlets like the Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn can be a good way to spread the community spirit.

On a personal level I've found that choosing the right social media vehicle for your personal and professional live is the key to engaging with your network. I've found that it is the quickest way to hookup with friends and business partners and get their immediate respond.

The choice of how you engage through the social media is all yours. Why not enjoy the experience to the full!



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Inspiration Application; An Unexpected Day in Amsterdam

Last week, I got stuck in Amsterdam. There was a storm and I missed my flight and landed a great opportunity to be inspired by the moment in time in a great city.

My conclusion is that Amsterdam is not a bad place to get stuck in. It is merely the question of how to size this unexpected opportunity suddenly and without any preparations. Quick decisions had to be made of what out of all the possibilities a visitor could choose to be inspired by.

So, I chose the most obvious, the canals. It is the quickest way. After all, that is the most striking feature I know about Amsterdam, besides the famous tulips, of course.

After making your way to the Amsterdam Central by train from the Airport, you just walk across the street and hop on a boat that will take you around the city's canals for a day. There is a combi-cruise available, where you can hop on-and-off wherever you like. The coolest thing ever, especially on a dreary mid-winter day.

Then it is another decision of where to hop-off as with a sudden opportunity time is of the most importance as you have to catch the next flight home, for sure.

The other great feature I know about Amsterdam is that it is full of great art. Hoping off next to the National Museum then becomes quite a simple decision. But would there be time enough in two hours to absorb it all? I' d say no. So the next available inspirational, fit-for-two-hours-experience is the Van Gogh Museum, right behind the previously mentioned one. And Wow!

It is an inspirational tour of the best kind. To me, it was an exercise in turning the dreary into colorful. Van Gogh, famously, knew how to do that.

Let's see! Here we have a person, who adores dreary landscapes and colors but instead becomes the trademark for orange.

To make the long story short, here is an example of a person who, at the age of 27, after making a sudden decision of becoming an artist instead of selling art, works tirelessly at improving his skills. He is also confident enough to forgo critique and hold on to the inspiration to the end. It is a show of real self-confidence in one's abilities to be able to say that you are satisfied by your work of art and leave it at that despite of what anybody else says.

I was fascinated by the way Van Gogh was inspired by the Japanese art and how it can be detected in his work. His famous work, 'The Bedroom', for example becomes much more understandable with the background knowledge of where he took his inspiration from. It is much like after watching the special features of making a movie, you can better appreciate the completed work. The Van Gogh Museum has certainly succeeded in giving the visitor that experience.

Amongst the inspirational art that inspired Van Gogh, I also found Odilon Redon, a new favorite of mine in inspiring for the mysterious.

One of the art works also reminded me that I should re-read Emile Zola, which would then in it's turn inspire with the understanding how the rebellious mind of the youth of the 19th Century can be turned into great art pieces.

What I did take with me after spending an unplanned day in Amsterdam as a spectator for great architecture, landscape and art was the concept of inspiration application.

The opportunity is in all of us, despite the dreariness of the day. It is learning to size the moment and channeling every inspiration to make our day a worthwhile experience. Holding on to that inspiration and letting it move us towards an enchanted life then becomes a little bit easier every day.

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An Open Letter to the Christmas in My Heart

So, it is Christmas in my heart.

It is four days of continuous celebration with the family and friends. It is thousands of pictures taken with my camera and iPad and other cameras owned by the other members of the family. It is lots of traditional Finnish Christmas food, loads of new games played on a game-player. It is Skyping and social networking to keep up with the friends and family who did not make it here. What a difference the Internet has made! Most importantly, it is wonderful conversations with the loved ones who are here. It is figuring out where everybody fits to sleep. It is catching up with everyone on everything that the gone year has bought their way.



The ingredients for the perfect Christmas celebration

The first ingredient is gathering the family from all over the world to one place; from Australia, UK and Finland. It is enduring the long flights through China and Amsterdam and then driving the hired cars for hours in the frozen roads to the destination. It is four generations of people speaking tree languages brought together by the ties of love and family. It is complete mayhem and a wonderful mix of personalities from the one year old to the great-grandma.



The second ingredient is building the Christmas tree. This one is a real Norway Spruce (Picea abies) with cones, brought in from the snow by the favorite broughter-in-law. It has the right kind of smell to it. It requires an engineer's touch with mounting the candles to make it safe. It needs everyone's input to become the perfect symbol for the celebration. And it asks for continuous adjustments and attention throughout it's existence until it is taken away in the new year.



The third ingredient is shopping for the right presents for everyone. It is the Secret Santa gone completely wayward as the presents pile up when 'Joulupukki' brings them and gives them away. It is the thought that counts and there are lots of love shared around. It is the little things from the healthy lifestyle to educational toys.

The fourth ingredient is the music and singing. It is a mix of Michael Buble, Karita Mattila, Gurrumul, HeviSaurus and the traditional Christmas songs, sang by the celebrating group in two languages, the goal being to sing every song in the book and succeeding. It is the sound of all the voices in harmony and joy.



The fifth ingredient is the visit from 'Joulupukki' on the Christmas Eve. Everybody knows that all the Scandinavian kids have intimate knowledge of what the Santa and the Elves look like. They do not have to relay on hearsay. It is Joulupukki himself answering those hard questions right then and there, like how did you get here even though there is no snow? The answer being that the rain-deer does fly, so there is no problem, there.



The sixth ingredient is the sauna and dressing up in celebration. It is those who are bros with it having experienced the Finnish sauna tradition from their birth and those who are being introduced to it. However, it is an important part. It is the experience of being clenched in mind and the spirit.




Mixing of the ingredients

In my experience the best way to mix the ingredients for a perfect Christmas is an appreciative attitude and unhurried space. Everyone is eqully responsble for creating the right kind of Christmas cheer which provides the best of everything for everyone.

What is fantastic in it, is that it is possible to take the best of all the Christmas traditions from each one participant and mix them creatively to form new traditions but with the same flavor that the old ones had. Forming new traditions is the exciting part in bringing together people from different cultures and celebrating the best of the best of everything.

In this new age of forming relationships and close connectedness of everybody, it is wonderful to see the young and the old feeling that nothing was lost but lots were gained by it.

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Inspiration Application; Marketing the Best of You!

Last week I was at the Westside Business Women's Breakfast meeting listening to a very interesting and thought provoking talk by Deborah Jackson about marketing the best of you.

Deborah is a client attraction specialist who has written a book called Easy Marketing for Women. It is Pink!

She has chosen to write her book for women because she feels that most of the books on marketing have been written with men in mind and mostly take their examples from their experience. Her book highlights the female experience of joggling many tasks at one go.

Of course, when listening to talks at breakfast meetings, they are always condensed to their shortest essentials and to get the full benefit, you must then read the books and follow their advise to know if it works. Like other times, this is my speciality. I like following advice, if it leads to something worthwhile.

So, that is what I did. I read the book and followed the leads where it took me. I created a folder on my iPad memos for pursuing the best of me, everything I get inspired about and everything I could do if I wasn't doing what I do now. This takes serious contemplation. My folder contains headings suggested by Deborah, such as Branding, Passion, Reasons, Customers and Ideas.

For a week now, I have been putting some of my efforts into building a make belief company on what I do best. I have had discussions with friends and workmates on what they think about what I do best. It has been a very interesting experience. I really recommend Deborah's book for those who are thinking about starting a business or are seriously concerned about marketing the best of themselves to the well thought target groups.

My Experinnce

Listening to Deborah and other motivational speakers in many seminars over the last few months has left me thinking about inspiration application as a concept.

Every now and then we do need inspiration. Sometimes the inspiration we hold leads to action. If it does not, then we have lost a very valuable opportunity. Sometimes, the action we take is shortsighted as we may think that we know what we want but in the end, what we wanted wasn't what we really needed or what was the best of us.

Deborah gives us good practical tools for considering our marketing strategy. It can be applied everywhere, even in marketing the best of you.

Thank you for taking time to read my blog. Here is a link to Deborah's Website:
Here is a link to Westside Business Women's Website


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Traveling With Compassion as a Criteria

Many people choose to travel the world in pursuit of great and famous sites and sights. I am much like that, also. But lately just traveling and sightseeing has not really been so attractive to me any more. What I want to do is to be challenged by what I see. I want to be immersed and fully participating in my travels. Otherwise, I feel the time is wasted.

I want to be able to tell a great compassion in action story. I want to be able to see something that really makes me think about what is special about the site where I visit. I also like to ponder about what it represents or how it relates to the transformation of human consciousness.

Many recommended famous places that are perused by visitors in thousands are great historical monuments dedicated to wars, fame and money. Generally, I am less interested in them.

I want to see the places and monuments that reflect compassionate actions. Something that has or is having a continuous effect in the changing human consciousness.

I am quite happy with small deeds. Lot's of small and less noticeable actions combined can contribute to the wellbeing of the humankind in a big way.

In the theory of apprehensive inquiry and strategic questioning it is determined that the questions have to be set up right to produce the desired results. It is better to start from the positive actions than try to fix the negative behavior. The positive strategic positioning will increase the positive result and outcomes.

My new blog at http://www.thecompassionateworldtraveler.blogspot.com/ is my answer to the quest. It records where I have been searching. In the beginning I will go backward in time to the places I have already visited but will also collect new interesting places or stories in preparation for visiting more places.

I hope this will prove to be an enjoyable journey that will enhance our understanding of compassion in action. Please, check it out and enjoy.

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