Love on the Line TV Conversations with Patricia Meister in 2 Parts

Welcome to a new and interesting Love on the Line TV Conversation.

This time I have the pleasure to introduce to you Patricia Meister, from Bundaberg, Australia who is a great example of a person who had a positive outlook in a dare situation. Namely, she is a victim of fraud, of a Romance Scam to be exact. Though her experience, she has suffered a substantial loss of money but that is not the most important part in this conversation. She has lost a lover, someone, who she thought was nearing what could be a soulmate, forever. It feels like death, losing someone you trusted to a scam. It is a huge betrayal.

Luckily, Patricia has taken a positive approach to her own recovery and is doing everything to get on top of her disappointment. She has done everything possible to educate herself and others: joined support groups, both face-to-face like the QLD Police Fraud Prevention Group and also many Online groups which can be found on Facebook, especially through the RomanceScamsNow.com

I was privileged to drive up to Bundaberg and have this conversation with her. She told me the story of her complex scamming experience. Afterwards, we discussed romancing, recovery strategies and possible happy endings.

You can find this Love on the Line TV Conversation in two parts from  my YouTube Channel:

Part 1 & Part 2

And if you want to also read it. Here is the transcript of our conversation. Both part 1 & 2

Please enjoy and remember to subscribe to my YouTube channel, so that you do not miss our other conversations. You can also follow me on my blog to make sure you receive every story. Also check my Website for news, like the Love on the Line South East QLD Book Tour continuing on Tuesday September the 13^th at Logan Hyberdome Library at 10 am.

Here is the script:

LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS WITH PATRICIA MEISTER

E: Welcome to Love on the Line TV Conversations. This is a special conversations from up state QLD in Bundaberg. In this winter sun shine, which is a little bit on our face, actually. And, I am here talking with Patricia Meister.

I am very honored to have you talking with me and thank you and welcome Patricia.

P: Thank you. I am honored to have you speak to me as well.

E: It is so interesting how we met, isn’t it?

P: It is, indeed

E: and we met through the QLD Police Recovery Group

P: Yes, that’s where we met.

E: And it is, in my opinion, quite interesting, how sometimes when you have been scammed like this. I mean like have. We’ve been survivors of scamming. You actually make new very, very interesting friends. Don’t you?

P: It’s opened a whole new door for me, in terms of meeting new people. So, in that way, it’s been a really positive thing. There is a positive thing.

E: Yes, and there are thing that are happening. It’s online. You had bought my book before. And I was really, really intrigued when you told me this is how you met that group. And there was another person there as well who said oh, they had listened to Love on the Line TV Conversations and that’s how they found the group. So, we might as well say that this group meets every second Sunday of the month at the Qld Police Headquarters. So, if you happen to be listening to us or looking at us. Then, here are two people you find who have actually found this group through meeting and reading books.

P: Yeah

E: Well. Tell me about your story. It is quite complex and we actually counted about ten scams. So, I’ll give it to you. Tell me.

P: My story is complex. I did actually, by accident, come across my scammer online. He groomed me for probably a good four weeks before he really started to ask me for any money. In that time, he romanced me. He gave me music. He gave me poetry. He spent a lot of time priming me, if you like. And so, the first request for money was actually not a huge amount. He had supposedly entered Malaysia with a large amount of money and had his goods confiscated by emigration.

E: I see

P: Then after series of events trying to get the goods back. The first request was for living expenses because his credit card supposedly didn’t work in Malaysia. So, the first request for money was round about $600. And, even though it felt wrong to me, I went ahead and I did that transfer. And that was the first transfer I made to Malaysia. It was probably the beginning of a series of events that lead me on an incredible fantasy journey that ended up relieving me off a large sum of money, in the end.

The second request came to get the goods out of emigration and then after that money was sent, which was quite sizable sum. The next amount of money was then because the goods then went to the head man of emigration. So, there was another large amount of money required, there. Then at that time the money was supposed to be deposited back to me. However, it never happened because the bank was funny about the amount of money. So, the next step was that we would send it by diplomatic courier. So, the diplomatic courier then delivered this supposed consignment of money. It was very professional and I, I couldn’t pick that it was fake. It had its own tracking menu. It had tracking sheets that I could access. However, then the money went to the courier company which then supposedly, the money then went to the Kuala Lumbar Airport where it was held up because, we then required an exit clearance fee.

E: Oh right. And a large one.

P: That was a large one. That was around about $25000. So, after that amount of money was paid, I was then told that to make it completely safe to come back here, we would then require a Diplomatic Red Stamp. So that was another amount of money, of course.

And, all the while now, I was starting to be very concerned about this consignment in that he had sent me an application form from Malaysian internal affairs that he had filled out with the address listed as the address of my business. And by that time I was so far in that it was very hard to get out because in my mind I had a consignment of money siting at Kuala Lumbar Airport that was listing me as a recipient. However, there was no consignment as we found out in the end.

But, it then sort of led into a Red Stamp situation where that was more money. So, then, finally, the money was acquired to get this Red Stamp and the consignment supposedly was on its way to Australia. And then I had a tracking sheet telling me that the consignment was in New Zealand and then there was another tacking sheet to tell me it was now at the Melbourne Airport.

At the same time, I got a SMS message from supposed diplomat with an Australian phone number, telling me that the consignment had now been held up at the Melbourne Airport and required an entry clearance fee of another $25000. So, at this stage, I guess, I was still believing that this was a reality, though I was starting to think: ‘OMG, so many stories. How can there be so many dramas?’ And you know, money was getting harder to get, by this stage.

E: And what was the thing that tipped it over?

P: The tipping it over in terms of me realising that I’d been scammed?

E: Yes

P: Well. I got the entry clearance money together. That week my scammer was supposed to be coming back here. We were also supposed to be doing Skype that week. And he was supposed to be picking up the entry clearance money from the bank that morning, to deliver it to the courier company and book his flights. End of story.

E: Yeah?

P: Well, of course that never happened. And I got a phone call at work, on that Monday afternoon and I had a rather, shall we say, unpleasant…  He was an Asian man. And, he then said to me that my scammer had been involved in a very serious car accident with his lawyer.

E: Oh

P: Of course, the lawyer was the main player in this scam all the time. The lawyer was the one that he dealt with emigration. The lawyer was the one, whose bank account I was supposed to be paying into. At the end it did appear that the lawyer was a Malaysian woman who worked with telecommunications. And, that was what I found, when I Googled that name which was a very unusual name.

Anyway, he was supposed to be in a critical condition. And all the while I was then getting emails from a so called Wellness Clinic. And being that I have a background in Medical Science, I started to sort of think to myself that if you are in a critical car accident, you are going to be in intensive care in a major hospital in Kuala Lumbar and I would not be getting an email from a wellness medical clinic with an Outlook email address. So, my son actually alerted me. He said: ‘Mom, there is no Wellness Medical Clinic in Kuala Lumbar.’ And he directed me to an embassy sight: US Embassy in Malaysia. And so, I went there and had a look and OMG, there was my story.

E: Ooh

P: You know. Almost. It was business man working overseas. He was a widowe. Scammers have incredibly bad luck.

E: I just wanted to ask you what really tipped you over. We counted now about nine different kinds of scams, which were one after the other, which your scammer, you know, tried on you and actually was quite successful. So, what was the tenth one that actually tipped it over?

P: It was the car accident. It was just one too many stories and I had read about people getting scammed because of accidents occurring and because of medical reasons. So, that really rang a bell for me. I wasn’t so savvy about the courier company and consignment and the confiscation of goods by emigration. I really was unaware of those kinds of scams but I had heard about the medical. And I used to keep thinking to myself, ‘well I haven’t had medical issue yet. So, when that happened, it just rang a huge bell with me. At that moment when I got that phone call from the Wellness Clinic, so called, I thought: ‘well, he is going to be in the major hospital, anyway. I would have a doctor phoning me.’

E: yeah

P: I wouldn’t have some incognito person giving me a ring. And, at that moment, I just kind of. I think, my heart just dropped to my shoes and I just though ‘OMG, I’ve been scammed’.

E: Yeah and by the time you counted the money, you had nearly lost a six figure sum, already.

P: Yes

E: So, it is quite a wakeup call. Is it?

P: It was a wakeup call. It was like. Actually, for the day. I couldn’t even finish my day at work. I was just OMG, you know.

E: Hmm. You also said you confronted your scammer?

P: Yeah, I did.

After the accident. You know the scam didn’t end there, because then they did try and hit me up for medical expenses. And by that time, wow, I was just out of money. So, then whilst he was supposedly in hospital, I then got hit up by the courier company for another $25000 for the entry fee which I refused to pay. They had then threatened they were going to hand the consignment into the Australian authorities.

And, I end up getting legal advice on that actually. My lawyer told me that I’d been scammed and there was no consignment, so ‘don’t pay any more money’.

E: Yeah, it’s quite interesting how long time. it went on for a quite a long time, six months you say?

P: Yeah, six to eight months

PART 2

E: Now, what I am very interested of course is the romancing. You said before that you liked my book because it was positive and I remember that because my son told me that, you know, ‘block him out, do all that, but remember the romancing’ and it was such a wonderful high. And I’ve heard you talking about it, too. And I think that we have there the common link that how on earth, you know, it is possible for a scammer to just crab your brain so much. So, what were your feelings about that?

P: I think that he groomed me very well. He found out as much as he could about me. I was at the time of my life where I was probably missing something in my life. And I was working very long hours. So, I didn’t really get out and about and socialise a lot. And, I’d never really gone online for anything like that and so. It sort of happened by accident in my life, really. It had its positives and negatives and I think that the thing I will say is that he was very polished. He was very educated man. He was incredible good with his grooming and his romancing. And he, I guess they tell you what you want to hear.

E: It hit every nerve?

P: It did and as you have said it in your book that it releases endorphins in your brain and they are basically the feel good hormones. And I think, for couple of months, until the money issue became a big issue for me. For the first few months of the scam, it became almost like an addiction.

E: Yes

P: His words of love. The beautiful music he would send, the poetry he would send. He really awakened a side of my personality that I had thought had died.

E: Yeah, I think that there is quite a lot of women who feel the same. This is what I would also say, that it woke up me into this world and I suddenly realised how strong this kind of thing is when you are getting your hormones and you are getting this high. And it is very much like a romance books. When you now read what he said, do you think that it is very much like from a romance book you read before?

P: Oh yes. When I do read back over it, I sometimes think: ‘OMG. How on earth did you ever get to the point that you did with this, because?’ But then when I read back over it and I think, well, he just made me feel like I was the most precious thing, ever.

E: Yes, I read some of the text messages what you got and I must say that, you know, they are very nice and very polished. And I would, even as, like an outsider, when I would read, I would like: ‘oooh, aah’. ‘That’s what he said to you’. That is true. I also had some of the very similar, like you know: ‘I never find anyone like you. You are the best and I love you so much’. And this was like you know, again and again and again in the text messages. And you had lots of emails. Oh no, no, they were not emails, they were on Facebook

P: I had and incredible amount of time put out for me. I wasn’t and easy snare, to be honest. I questioned everything. All the time. And he would come back with this incredible romancing and of course. When the money was there, the romancing would just become more and more intense.

E: Of course

P: There would be more music sent and more poetry sent and more dialog. And sometimes he would then want to be online with me, you know, not just once a day but twice a day.

E: Yes, to make sure that everything went well. Did you have some mess ups with sending things, like I did?

P: Initially, the bank security phoned me and more or less asked me how I had met this man, because it was out of character with my banking history, to be sending money overseas. And, they actually did say to me that they were problems with sending money to Malaysia and that they actually thought that I was being scammed. And I chose to ignore their warnings.

And the interesting thing was that right through the middle of it all, where the amounts were much higher that I was sending. They didn’t really question those. But they questioned the very first transfer and the last one. And they phoned me twice over the last one and said: ‘are you definitely sure you want to send this money and I said: ‘yes’. And, you know, even at that time, I was kind of starting to feel that things weren’t right.   

E: Yes, I understand completely. But then he has tried to come back again. A few times and more romancing.

P: The downpour of romance, and songs and the poetry was intensified on the second round. And, it was, I guess, because I haven’t taken a bait this time.

I hadn’t heard of him. He just fell off the side of the cliff, if you like and I was just left dangling there without the ledge to stand on. The phone number I’d been using in Malaysia was no longer working. The contact through Facebook stopped and virtually I did send him an email, at that stage, telling him that I knew he scammed me. And, I knew it didn’t bunch because it didn’t come back. So, I pretty much just sort of thought: ‘Well, I made a mistake. I financially almost kind of ruined myself’. Though I did keep my head to a degree with that and I didn’t let him take everything from me.

E: Yes.

P: But, he took enough to put me in dire straits for a short period of time. And I was lucky because I did have support systems around me that sort of helped me to get through that time, because it was a pretty devastating time for me. And, all of a sudden, it was like a withdrawal from all, because he just disappeared.

E: Yes, and then he comes back and asked for more.

P: The first real contact that I had back with him was about four weeks later. And I had a message sent to me: ‘Hello honey. It’s not what you think.’

So, then he followed through with that story. He always built a story out of a story. And he was so good at doing that. The next story was that he had been contacted by the FBI that I was quite correct in assuming that the courier company was fake and crooked. That the FBI had confiscated the consignment.

E: This was, like, also in the end, there was an identity theft with the FBI. That’s right? They wanted to have your IDs and even your passport?

P: Yes

E: How about recovery, then? What kind of recovery strategy you have now? Because, now, you are now at the stage where you know it is a scam but you are still a little bit into it. He is trying to get back to you and trying to involve your brain and your emotions into it. So, what know of recovery strategy are you thinking to do now?

P: Well, I have had to learn that I have to completely block everything, to do with him. So that I will then not have any contact whatsoever. Or he cannot contact me. And once I’ve actually achieved that goal, then, I will be able to move forwards a lot better, I Think, in my life. I’ve been very lucky with my recovery because I do have a business and my work that I really enjoy doing. And I do get to talk to people all the time, every day. So, I do have social contact there. And, I also have a number of different projects that I’d like to pursue.

E: I know that for me, writing my book distanced myself from the scammer and I had something else to think about and then, in that way I sort of lost the contact. And even the will to in any way be interested in him. And you have lots of lovely things happening.

P: Yes, and I think that the will to be interested does go at the time when you discover that you’ve been scammed, because it is such a huge betrayal of the trust. But on the other hand, as we talked about before, it is a type of addiction that you have. And so, you really need to fill that void.

E: That’s right. And you do have background in this.

P: You need to fill that with something different in your life. And for me, it’s opened up a whole lot of new direction for me that I could follow. And that’s been a really positive thing for me as well. So, I have managed to put together a tribute in the art gallery here for my mother’s talents as a dress designer in the 1940s and that’s something that I have wanted to do since she in 1999. So, that did occupy a lot of my time

E: Yes, and lots of possibilities there, too. I’ve seen the designs and they are fabulous.

P: There’s a lots of opportunities there to market these things in very productive fashion. And then, of course, I would really like to write a book on the experience but it is going to take some time. And I need to be a little bit distanced from it to really I think write it in a way that really is going to be appropriate.

E: Yes, you can join in our conversation in Happy Ending on how to rewrite your story which we are going to start here and have even eCourses and stuff like that, which are like according to what I had. What was my strategy in my book. You are very welcome to be part of that.

P: Yeah. I do find that it’s a bit raw now still. To go back and read over the dialog and think: ‘OMG and think: how did you ever? What were you thinking?’

E: What were you thinking? What did you have in mind? How did you imagined your happy ending would be?

P: My happy ending was. I guess. I’d had found this most wonderful man, who was going to be my soulmate forever and that we walk off into the sunset together.

E: Yeah, like today.

P: Which, of course, is not reality based. Real life is not full of romancing and fantasy journeys, is it?

E: No, it’s not a romance book. I think that romance books are a real exaggeration but they do get your brain and they get your endorphins going. So, at least some of that should be. We should be able to have right in our lives, I recon. Yeah, so, hopefully, we’ll find the new somebody who would be.

P: Yeah.  Hopefully, you never know what’s round the corner. And, I guess, maybe there is, sort of, you know, someone out there, that I’ve yet to find.

E: Well, thank you very much for coming and thank you very much for talking to me.

P: Yeah. Thank You.

E: (to the audience) You’ve been watching the Love on the Line TV Conversations special edition with Elina Juusola and Patricia Meister. And this is in Bundaberg. Please subscribe so that you won’t miss any other of our conversation. And have a wonderful week. Thank you so much for listening and watching.

Both: Thank You J

What PornHarmsKids Symposium Thought Me about Pornography and Harm in the New Millennium

It has been 21-years since I attended a conference on Human Trafficking, Prostitution or Pornography. I quit for a while because after 15-years of researching these topics, traveling the world and talking about it, I had become disillusioned about the world. I actually related to just about anything through my research on pornography. I saw the patterns of power-over and subjugation everywhere.

Now, I realise that it is because our memory is built through patterns and anything outside these patterns we notice and remember. For me, there was nothing outside the patterns of violence I detected around me. My brain had been collecting material since a very young age and at that time I could relate everything, including children's play and dolls through the dichotomy of power over and subjugation that can be found at the heart of the idea of the pornographic message. I felt I had to get out and save myself from too much harm. Luckily, moving to Australia was the solution and a new career in age care and community building was the salvation. But how long can it last before the universe provides new impetus for thought for someone who is trying to ignore it the best she could? Not long. Somewhere in my subconsiousness, I did keep up with the issues and the connections kept adding up. Then I found myself a target of a romance scam and wham, the world made sense again. 

My book Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation is a result of that shock of becoming a victim of a scam. Through it I explain the bigger picture that I see through the patterns built in my brain about power over and subjugation through pornography, romance book reading and scamming. Now I am detecting scams in everything, especially in how we relate to each other as human beings. I am already in the process of writing a sequel. But before it my mission was to update my knowledge about pornography and harm it brings to us in the new Millenium.

Luckily, I saw the online add for the PornHarmsKids Symposium. It was held at the University of NSW on the 9th of February. I got my plane ticket and donated in my fee as advised and all and all, I was a little late but got there anyway. And this is what I learned on one day listening to very professional speakers and discussing the topics with other concerned attendees:

Unfortunately, I learned that nothing much has changed in 20-years I have not been active in this field. Or maybe everything has changed, depending on your view of things. I now, hold a personal 35-year historian view based on my own research about how the message of pornography harms human beings; women, men and children; those that are vulnerable and being used as pawns to earn money for those others with callous minds or otherwise disruptive behavior thought patterns about the matter of power-over and subjugation. I'll be frank. 

The most profound change is visibility. Or maybe not! Remember the billboards? We drive past them with the family everywhere. Well, during the 1980's porn was plastered directly on them. It's message was interfering with our lives most anywhere, I remember those sexualised women sitting on some fancy cars on billboard and I remember having to explain all of it to my son and my daughter. Even porn magazines were advertised along with alcohol and tobacco. We fought them down in Europe, USA and Scandinavia and the world followed through. The argument was: porn is everywhere. And it was. Unfortunately, just as the solutions for those times were put in place, Internet appeared and the visibility shifted to homes and anywhere with access to it. The message remained unchanged. Though, now we could view it from the comfort of our own space and more of us could find and watch porn without interruptions.

The other profound difference has come through brain research, actually. For now we KNOW, what we only had an inkling about during the 1980's. Our brain is affected by what we see. It builds patterns and our actions follow through, if we let them. And, now we also know that it take around 25-years to grow a fully functioning frontal cortex with the ability to rationalise. So, we know that young brains are affected and harmed the most by what they pick up along the growing process. PornHarmsKids Symposium was all about how to tackle that huge problem we are faced with by free access to online pornography. There are some alarming sign detected about our behaviour as human adults and kids in relation to how we see the world and act on impulses of the ideas that are presented to us. This can be really bad news for women and girls as our lives are heavily affected through vulnerability and conditioning. I am not saying that the men and boys are not affected. They are but the power-over and subjucation clause of pornography clearly points to the victim as female. It is hard to detect, I know. 

In fact, one of the speakers at PornHarmsKids Symposium, Dr Tucci, actually theorised that the different way the boys and the girls react to pornography points to inequality. He said that he could not understand what it was in that in boys, porn trickers their arousal response, while this does not happen in girls. Conditioning perhaps, he suggested. Well, I know! After all we live in a patriarchy and the messages in porn are molded to mirror the power-over and subjugation clauses inbuilt in the very structures of our society. Not a very hard thing to draw a conclusion from there. 

For me the rest of the symposium was about finding what practical advice, each and every speaker could give in order to best tackle the problems at hand. Three big ones come to mind:

Melinda Thankard Reist forwarded the messages that young girls want to say to boys about relationships:

And the @Cypercop1 Susan McLean gave advice to parents who are struggling to cope with the ever expanding world of pornography and how to explain and guide their children to avoid abuse and hate.

And lastly, Collett Smart gave us the 10 Body Safety Rules that can help a child to recognise where the boundaries lie:

There is an excellent PornHarmsKids website to go to for more information. From there you can get the videos and the articles that keep coming about the symposium and about the issue. I am really pleased that I went. Meeting all these brave and courageous people has given me hope. Also look up the Twitter handles @PornHarmsKids and @CollectiveShout. I know that young people themselves are very concerned and they will come up with some solutions of their own, once they are educated about this issue in an open and nonjudgmental atmosphere. 

Until that time, it is our responsibility to keep working at it. It is our responsibility to insert hope, recovery and happy endings positivity to the world. Hopefully you'll follow along and take action for the betterment of the situation and the world. Every era needs their own solutions. Let's find the ones that work now in the new Millennium. 

Has Fraud Touched Your Life: Sharon Armstrong in Conversation at the QLD Fraud Support & Recovery Group

It is an alarmingly ever rising number of people that are touched by fraud in its different forms. Many have a personal experience with scammers, and others know someone from their family, friends and acquaintances who have been victims of fraud. It is a devastating experience and many do not recover or it takes years of great effort and strength to move on in life.

Meet Sharon Armstrong, a very courageous woman, who was scammed into unknowingly carrying drugs for her scammer. She was arrested and spent two and half years in an Argentinian prison for a crime she was scammed to commit. Should she have known better?

After all she is an intelligent woman. She had previously held a high position in the New Zealand Public Service and had not for twenty years had time to think about dating with her busy life. This had been her own choice. Somehow, though, she suddenly fell for a charming man at the other end of the line and was convinced that it was her destiny to marry and spend the rest of her life together with this same man. For the sake of their future, she was ready to help him with money and later by picking up some papers and carrying them to London, where she would meet him. But this did not happen. Instead she was stopped by the customs in Argentina. She was told that she was carrying cocaine and that she would be arrested. Later she was sentenced and in the end spent two and half years of her life in the prison surrounded by other 'drug mules'. What was it that made her so vulnerable to scammers?

I am really interested in her story. It is yet another version of the Ghana scam, like mine was as well. It adds another more frightening, if not deadly dimension into the life of a victim of a scam. She talks about vulnerability but adds that maybe even saying that makes the person more vulnerable. And vulnerable people get caught in scams again and again. She prefers the term survivor just as I do. She is not sure that she has recovered, though. What is it that keeps the victims attached, I would ask.

An other woman who is listening to Sharon thinks that she would be too sceptical and this kind of romance scam just wouldn't happen to her. I doubt her statement. Media, who was very hash in the case of Sharon declared that of course it could happen to her; what else could she expect, because 'she is fat and plain'. I strongly disagree. And she is not that. Clearly she is attractive, intelligent and strong, otherwise she would not be putting herself forwards again and sharing her experience in order to educate and raise awareness for fraud and especially for the different forms of romance scams.

My research, packed by others shows that no, she could not have known better. There is no clear profile of a person who would fall for a romance scam. Everyone is a potential prospect. It is all in the scammers ability to catch the target at the right time and persuade her/his brain to act with the emotional 'lizard brain' instead of the rational frontal cortex. The experience of the continuous flooding of oxytocin to the brain keeps us attached and falling yet again and again. Sharon confirms this when asked about how she did go from loss to recovery. Her answer is that it was easier for her because she was 'locked up'. Otherwise, she says, 'it would have been hard for her to keep away from this man'. But what is it that contributed to her personal recovery when so many affected people cannot make the transition from a victim mode to the survivor strength?

Sharon Armstrong sits up and looks at the audience with confidence and lists her reasons:
- always having a positive outlook
- thinking and seeing that others had it tougher than her
- learning to appreciate little things
- learning to forgive
- her family's continuous and unwavering support

Her wisdom is profound. She states that forgiveness is not about others. It is about you. And learning to be grateful is a way to recovery. It is important to share your experience in order to fight the scams, to raise awareness. 'We must stop the shame', she says. I fully agree. It is crucial that there are people, just like Sharon who are willing to personally step into limelight to make the fight visible.

Sharon has started a campaign. It is called Standup2scams. It is everywhere on the social media but mostly on the Facebook and the Twitter. You can easily find it there. She has also recently been part of a two part documentary. It can be found through her pages as well. I am looking forwards to her new projects.

There is a book on the line in near future and also a possible documentary project. So there is much to come from her experience that will change your knowledgebase about romance scams and fraud.

Otherwise if you need help right now, please be aware that there is a QLD Police Fraud Support & Recovery group meeting every month. And similar groups are being planned and founded elsewhere as well. Here is a flyer for that:

Contemplating the Place of 'Tears for Tess' by Pepper Winters in the Popular Culture

I went to see the movie 'The Counseler' the other week with my daughter. Why did I do that? Look at the poster here and immediately you will know. I chose by the cover, like I do when reading books:


What's there not to like. The casting of the best Oscar winners, nominees and wanna bees. Directed by one of my favorite directors and scripted by a really well considered screen writer and from a very famous book, which I had not read, mind you.

Do not judge a book by its cover, I say.

It is the same when I first tried to read 'The Fifty Shades of Grey' by E L James. The book that made the concept of sadomasochism normal. I only got to the chapter five and was getting bored. Now I know why. It reminded me of the first book of the 'Twilight' series in its style. It was disturbing. (At the time I did not know that it started as fan fiction to the series). Instead I ended up researching and updating the popular culture of sadomasochism by reading 'Sadomasochism and Ardent Love: A Reader's guide to Fifty Shades of Grey' by Edward Shorter


Why would I do that? I am very interested in this subject matter. If you google me, you find that I have done a lot of research on pornography, prostitution and the history of ideas of the concepts of human sexuality during the last 30 years in several languages.

Sex is normal. What I find interesting and often disturbing is the way it is presented in the popular culture and how that presentation is influencing the audience.

OK! So, I came out of the movie theatre after seeing 'The Counselor' really disturbed. With questions of why would Ridley Scott want to direct such a movie? Is it his statement of life? Maybe it is about our society? What is it about Mexico, that makes it such a suitable place to be used as a background to movies and books like this? And the same with the actors. Bratt Pitt, the philanthropist? What's with that?

It is a cold, cold world we live in when films like this are considered for Oscars despite that whatever happens in them can actually happen in real life.

For me it is the question of placing them in the right expectations with the audience. This movie clearly was not. Mark Dinning, in the Australian 'Empire' magazine (December issue) likes the film or maybe not. "It will frustrate. Or reward. Your choice", he writes. Well, I am really frustrated.

Maybe now that I really think about this. The movie reminded me of 'The Fifty Shades of Grey' in its handling of the subject matter. That would be its aim to shock, when there is really nothing to be shocked about. We are talking about the power over relationships and money. The dominants can be whoever.

'The Tears for Tess' by Pepper Winters, which I just finished is different. The writer is Australian. I like that. The book is being considered for 2013 Scandy Awards for the best erotic novel. It is a well written example of the romantic genre of BDSM with a twist about moral issues. I really like that.

The book is a fine piece of writing, witty and interesting, if you are interested in the subject matter. And it is her first novel! It reminds me of three movies I've seen with similar kind of handling of the subject matter:

Firstly 'The Inferno' of 1999, staring Jean-Claude Van Damme. With very interesting way to depict the futility of death while looking to regain your own humanity.


It really puts across the point of the human life having no value when one of the characters just raps the ever piling bodies in a clad rap and slides them down a Mexican canyon with no remorse or judgement while toasting the death with his water bottle.

The second one is 'Dirty Pretty Things' (2002), starring Andrey Tautou. The movie is written by Steven Knight and it's subject is the trafficking of the human body parts with the backdrop of the illegal emigration to Britain.


I found it very captivating although it was not a romance with a happy ending for the hero and the heroenna like I would like to have had. I am a romantic.

The third one is the resent Steven Knight movie 'Hummingbird' or 'Redemption' (2013) starring Jason Stratham. It is also about human trafficking and the moral issues of violence with the backdrop of the homelessness and the mobs of London.


I find myself drawn to contemplate on the human mind of how it can compartmentalise violence and sex. It is really interesting how when the sex and violence is not confused in the gaining of money or power in books and movies, it is easier to absorb and people like me can find it entertaining and at the same time rising questions about the human behaviour in tight moral situations.

Comparing 'Redemption' to 'The Counselor'', I find that it's unpretentious way to handle the subject matter clearly beats the try hard pretend philosophical banter of the other movie. Maybe it is the difference of the male brain and the female brain in how we interpret the movies, when we see them. But I like unpretentious, particularly when depicting violence.

It is like one of my all time favorite movies 'The Escape from Absolom' or 'No Escape' (1994) with Ray Liotta still tops my list of enjoyable male brain movies because of its straight forward aim to be what it is and nothing else. And with no sex, thank you.


It is based on the 1987 book 'The Penal Colony' by Richard Herley. There are others but this one is still my favorite.

Going back to 'Tears for Tess' then. I have been reading the reviews and the comments about it in the social media. They are excellent, particularly coming from the women. Well, clearly it is a female brain book.

There is the common question with the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' of why she came back for more. The answer seems easy. The next book in the series is being published in the middle of December. So obviously she and Q, the dominant were not done with the moral dilemma. And they are in love, of course. The book is a romance although pretty graphic as such. So, a no brainer.

To tell you the truth, I cannot wait to read the 'Quintessentially Q' when it comes out.

What I am afraid, however, is that Pepper Winters is aiming at publishing a trilogy when I can only see two sides to the immediate story.

What I would like to see as the third segment is an original screenplay by her for a movie with Tess and Quincy explaining their legacy to their 18 and 16-year old children, 20-odd years in the future. It should be directed by Steven Knight and starred by Stratham and Tautou. I would like to see how they handle the moral dilemma and win. It would be a romance, of course.

As I see it, it is good to dream of a better world where people can live in peace without violence and sex can have all its expressions people are comfortable with without double morals or double standards getting on the way.

Many people believe that what we get is only limited by our imagination. I would think that good storytelling can contribute to good outcomes and bring unpretentious positive images into our world.

So, I suggest, let's do it more.

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Be the Change You Want to Be - My Year with Healthy Lifestyle Choices

Have you ever questioned yourself and your own ability to change your own circumstances to make your life more meaningful and happier? Have you ever thought that life is really hard and that making a conscious change is not worth the trouble? That leaving everything to chance would be the easiest thing to do? Well, I certainly have.

In my vocabulary, it is called procrastination. Leaving everything to that little change that it might get better on its own without continuous conscious effort from ourselves. We do it all the time, at work, at home, with friends, with family and in ourselves. It is the easy way out. Stalling! We don't really want to change, get out of the familiar and form new habits.

According to research what people believe and what they actually do is a very different thing. We might clearly see that we are overweight, that our environment is non-productive, our friendships are destructive to our development, but instead of doing something to change the situation, we cling to the comfort of it and complain about the situation. We might even blame it on something or someone else. It is comforting to think that we are helpless as it is the outside circumstances that depress us and leave us no other options than taking it as it comes. We might as well accept the defeat right there and then. Some of us might make an attempt, for a short while and then fall back to the old habits when we find that it did not work anyway. It was doomed from the start and we knew it. We forget so easily. What we did a year ago is not relevant to what we do today anyway.

OK. So, you want to lose weight! The easiest way is to fast, for a few days and lose 3 kg in the process. Or to buy any of the women's magazines and follow any of the celebrity insights and compare yourself to anyone of the pictures, especially the 'greatest looser' pictures an find yourself wanting. And you are back to your old habits.

So, you want to get more energy. The easiest way is to join any gym for a month and/or take up an exercise regime three times a week for eight weeks challenge. That is habit forming and you can be sure that you've lost some centimeters from your tummy and thighs. But did you really change anything in yourself or did you just make a little payment for the change that everything will be better if you just did something? And how about getting a face lift like the celebrities do or a non-invasive treatment that takes five centimeters from your tummy in 30 minutes treatment for a price.

Or, you want to get healthy in another way by eating supplements. Then going to the nearest chemist will be exciting as they certainly have an array of supplements that is said to work and have a slight possibility of aiding in the good health project you have going on there. I am getting sarcastic here even though it is not my aim with this article.

I tried it all during the last year. That is the point! Everything I do becomes a research project. I have done the research. And here are the results:



1. Losing weight.
During the last year I tried many methods of fasting and dieting.

The one I still find the easiest and the best after years of practice is called the Lemon Detox fast with Neera combined Palm and Maple syrup. It can now be bought from most of the health shops around Australia due to the new packaging and renaming the product with a more attractive brand name (Lemon Detox).

I found the fast involves very little effort in that you only need to follow the directions and forget about eating or drinking anything else except water and herbal tea. The reaction I got from those near me was a question on how I could tolerate to fast for ten days drinking lemons without eating? The answer is that forgetting about eating was easier for me than keeping a schedule of eating whatever was on the list of things that I could eat. The booklet that comes with the syrup has lots of suggestions for diverse needs and personality types. The Australian instructions are much gentler on the body than the once I followed in Finland during the 1990's although the practice is the same. The benefit was that I lost three kilos and my cravings for sugar and Coke disappeared.

The easiest way for me to lose weight in a longer term was to quit sugar altogether. David Gillespie in his book Sweet Poison. Why Sugar Makes Us Fat makes a good case study argument for the refined sugar as poison that can be an incentive for some people who need to have a scientific and historical explanation to why eating sugar has made such an impact in the human nutritional habits. It gives a believable explanation why type 2 diabetes is rampant in our society when before it was not even known.

That was my incentive. The fact that my doctor told me that I could fix my type 2 diabetes threat myself. During the last year my sugar levels have gone from 13 to 5.9 and I lost 17 kilos with no more effort than watching my sugar and refined foods diet.
My daughter who said that she could not give up sweets, especially chocolate, restricted her sugar intake in support of my effort and has so far lost 14 kilos.


My only challenge is in the finding that chocolate is also made with maltitol as a sugar replacement and holidays like Christmas and Easter where kindhearted people you love give you chocolate as a present can give you 2 kilos just because maltitol acts just like sugar in your body or maybe it is the fat. Then it is giving that up once the habit has formed that presents a new challenge.

2. Getting more energy through exercise and supplements.
My only and most enjoyable exercise habit has been walking our dog. And that itself is an effort for me who just do not like anything to do with physical strain except when doing it in a social context which I do not have anyway.

So, I tried the gym. I paid for it in order to have an incentive to go there. But no, it did not stick. I had no friends to go with except a paid companion and that is no fun. I tried to take up an eight weeks challenge for myself combined with supporting a charity. After one week, I found an excuse not to go. At least I am supporting some young girls for education with that payment I made. So no amount of money as incentive has been effective enough to get me into exercising. Nothing came of it. What my brain knows to be a best method for losing weight is something I just do not want to do. I tried other non-invasive fat loosing methods instead.

The first one was the ultrasound fat burner. I believe, it actually aided my weight loss last year. At least it was fun although a bit painful. But since I had paid for it, I went through with it and in the process found some other cool things about the modern beauty industry I never would have known otherwise. The benefit of it for me was the experience.

The second non-invasive fat losing technique I am trying is iLipo. So far it has not had any effect but it has been fun. Much more fun that any gym I ever went to. Trying all the machines that shake, massage and squish you in effort to lose weight has been an experience I would not give up. The judgement is still out on its effectiveness, though. I will keep you posted on that.


The best and the most beneficial to my changing appearance during the last year has been the Nu Skin Galvanic Face and Body Spas combined with the Pharmanex supplements, especially Vitality and now R2. I have tried many others as well.

There has been a long time habit in our family to eat supplement as it was a firm belief of my grandfather that the food quality in Australia was not enough to sustain all the vitamins and minerals. He used to order his supplements from those considered by his research the best suppliers and I believed that this contributed to his and my grandmothers long life span despite lots of health risks.

In 2005 after a longer struggle with stress at work and an operation I was recommended Matagenics Fibroblex Plus and Meta A & B Complex as a repair by my friend and massage person. And wow what a difference it made to my life. I could feel how it literally went to my 'bones and sinew' and made my life easier. I supplied the supplement to my daughter and my daughter-in-law after their childbirths and both had really good results. Unfortunately the effects of these supplements are not lasting and in time after 7 years of usage I could not feel the benefits any longer although I am sure they helped.

So, last year I was looking for new things, especially as I knew there was so much new medical research done in the world after the Human Genome was completed. Not only that but there has been a tremendous change in the approach to healing practice as well. There was bound to be more efficient methods and supplements on the market. That's when I was introduced to AgeLoc Science as an approach to resetting the cellular and attacking the cause instead of repairing the damage after diagnosing the signs.

The AgeLoc Science and its friendly positivistic approach of changing the gene-expression instead of using the gene manipulation as the rule to design new human beings as a preferred human behavior also came as an answer to my idea historical research on what really can happen with decoding the human DNA. Instead of looking at it as a treat, we can find a more positive and constructive approach that is based on the same science.

Nothing in my former experience had prepared me in embracing this as a possibility. So I tried it all. I have taken the supplement as recommended and found that they really work. I now feel like I did in my late 20's before giving birth to my third child. I know this because I can remember how I felt then and how much energy I had then in contrast of how little energy I had a year ago. My family has also experienced the benefits in me being able to do much more with them, like going shopping for whole days and going to movies in the evenings after a full workday.
And after my resent blood tests, my doctor says that from the evidence he is convinced that LifePak and Optimum Omega have been a contributing factor in my excellent results. That's good enough for me.

The benefits I have acquired with using the spas can be seen in the picture. It is real.


3. Self-Development and life choices
I find it impossible to go through change without incentive or motivation. The modern brain science tells me that I need a lot of dopamine as a fix and seeing myself in a more presentable light might be one but it does not stretch to maintain my need to change in order to improve my life circumstances.

So, of course the last year has also been full of books and chatting with friends and finding new ideas on all areas that life can bring. My favorite books are in the picture apart from The Positivity, by Barbara Fredrickson, which I have passed on already.

In the nutritional field the winner is David Gillepie, hands on. His books have certainly inspired me beyond just looking at food but to actually start paying attention to what is in the food I eat. I also now own a very cool App called FoodSwich that allows me to scan everything I buy and see if there are healthier varieties on the market to try.

In the business strategy field my son recommended Business Model Generation and I have been fascinated by the approach. And you can also Business You. How cool is that!

In the motivational and changeological fields there is Barbara Fredrickson with her positivity research and Les Robinson with the psychology of change. What a combination. And the coolest thing is that on Pinterest I can now collect pictures for My Positivity Portfolio as a reminder to see how positive I can get.

In the spiritual field I will choose The Healing Code by Alexander Loyd. What an impact it had on me and judging from my friends to whom I have spread the message, it is a huge source of solace in many ways. I use the method and feel better for it continuously.

And in the end it is back to my old favorite anyway. It is back to the roots with the Blavatsky Quotation Book, edited by Winifield A. Parley. I better check what it says for March the 31st:

"The pivotal doctrine of the Esoteric philosophy admits no privileges or special gifts in man (sic), save those won by his own Ego through personal effort and merit throughout a long series of metempsychosis and reincarnations." (SD,1,17)

How suitable is that for the last words for 'being the change you want to be' right now.
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Contemplation on New Years Resolutions for 2013

So, it is the New Year and time for new resolutions. Usually, according to statistics from the Australian TV program The Project (01/01/13) by the end of the first month of the year 25% of the promises we have made to ourselves have been broken and during the second month the non-action escalates to 46% of resolutions not being attended to. What kind of conclusion should we draw from that?

The Project concluded tongue in cheek that the resolutions were made by people who were mostly dunk and who cares for the promises made while being affected by alcohol anyway! I feel though that the data shows the volatility of people in general. Our promises are often made while 'crossing the fingers' behind our backs. New Year's Resolutions are often made just because it is part of the celebration tradition and not because people seriously think of commitment. Inspiring? Not in the least.

However, this year I was inspired by finding my hidden practical abilities instead of making promises I wouldn't keep. I am figuring that by appreciating what I find I didn't know or remember I can do, I could commit my abilities to refocusing in committing to my already so many times thought over and voiced New Years Resolutions. No need to make so many new ones. I already had made them ten times before so they must be good and important.


I found that I can for example read 'complicated' IKEA furniture assembly instructions and by following the steps, I can put together any number of pieces of furniture, like sofas, TV stands and most importantly bed frames all on my own. Surely some sweat and some mishaps have gone into the project but mostly the results have given me a huge boost of confidence in myself and my abilities to do whatever I want to accomplish.
Taking the cue from what I have now learned about me, I find myself more confident in writing down my annual list of what I want for the new year.



Here is an example of how to do an action plan for 2013 New Years Resolution list:

First evaluate the last year's resolutions. Hopefully they were written down for evidence based data collection.
I prefer to have them under four categories: Emotional, Mental, Financial and Physical.
It is surprising how many items can be ticked off from the list.

Secondly, think how you really want your life to be a year from now. Even write a letter for yourself dated on the next New Year of the gone year. Then break the resolutions to smaller actionable bits.

Thirdly, make a monthly/weekly action plan depending on the suitability of the resolution. Some resolutions are statements of intentions on where you want your life path to lead.

Fourthly, and most importantly believe in your own ability to commit to the plan. It only takes four weeks to develop it into a habit.

Have a great New Year and enjoy your new found happiness in yourself.

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