Sunday, November 13, 2016

Considering the Truth about Female Desire

Just a few days ago I was watching a Canadian program on the Australian SBS channel called The Truth about Female Desire. Interesting to watch to say the least. It stated that women have been freed from their previous chains of prudence in expressing their sexuality. According to the program, especially women of over 50-years of age are now expressing their sexuality in a very different way from before. This change was possible with the invention of the pill, the program further claims. Now we are free to digitally hook up through apps and Internet sites with whoever we want, whenever we want without having to consider pregnancy as a result of our behaviour. I am considering if there is a downside to this freedom from the point of view of my research to pornography and violence against women during the last 30 years,

I have just finished writing a book about romance scams and how to recover from them with dignity and without victimisation. In my book, I consider the modern digital lifestyle that allows us to hook up with everybody with ease and without needing to leave the comfort of our own home. Interestingly, I have had two types of experiences with online dating myself. The most surprising to me were the Internet dating sites that allow people to meet with people around the world and start a romance with them without ever even seeing them alive, not even on Skype.This resulted in me becoming a victim of a romance scam of which my book is about. The second type of experience has been the kind this program is talking about where you hook up with people near you that are available to chat and meet you, if you so desire. Zoosk, for example is big on hooking you up with real people of the opposite sex quickly and with varying results. Still I am left skeptical about the statement about the freedom of sexual expression. See, I was there thirty years ago as well. Now, I am considering the boundaries of where the so called freedom of sexual expression has led us. I am left wondering about what is the definition of freedom when talking about sexual desire.

The women interviewed in this particular program are very convincing. One of them is now free to express her masochistic side better than before. This is due to the world wide sensation of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. This particular book has now been given the dubious credit of freeing the female sexual expression and desire from its dormant captivity. Interestingly, I have read the Kama Sutra and seen the pictures as well, and I have had that book since the early 1980's myself. I just cannot believe that we have been so innocent before either.

In 1984, I attended a seminar on pornography in Danmark. There I met a woman who was a hooker, by her own definition and a masochist by her own definition, as well. I always thought that it was somewhat bizarre that her best masochistic fantasy was to have her man force her to ride a bicycle to the shop without having underwear. Well, Fifty Shades of Grey certainly topped that one for me. However, I have totally missed the sexual freedom part of the equation. I still do not see that the freedom of sexual expression has emancipated anything worth considering as free. Rather, it has been digitally reprogrammed to make the women play to the male model even more than before. Where is the freedom in that? What I really would like to see is the freedom to build compassionate relationships between people with no underlying double morality. Unfortunately it has not played out like that at all. 

Instead, even the Playboy magazine will now stop featuring the nude centerfolds as an expression of good business decision. According to the editor, we have bypassed the need as the Internet is now providing all that is required for those who want to look at porn or express their sexual freedom. Instead we now can be free to have more casual sex hook-ups than ever before. And that is considered freedom. Where is the truth about female desire? 

I'd rather go dancing with my love and express my sexual desire in passionate acts of love and love making than count how many hook-ups I can have in a week. I'd rather look at it from the point of view of making the world a bit more compassionate through less conflict and more hugs. I'd rather people express their desire in any form they choose instead of being boxed in a model that is restraining to their soul even though it might fleetingly feel freeing to their body. 

And that is the truth of that!