Considering the Truth about Female Desire

Just a few days ago I was watching a Canadian program on the Australian SBS channel called The Truth about Female Desire. Interesting to watch to say the least. It stated that women have been freed from their previous chains of prudence in expressing their sexuality. According to the program, especially women of over 50-years of age are now expressing their sexuality in a very different way from before. This change was possible with the invention of the pill, the program further claims. Now we are free to digitally hook up through apps and Internet sites with whoever we want, whenever we want without having to consider pregnancy as a result of our behaviour. I am considering if there is a downside to this freedom from the point of view of my research to pornography and violence against women during the last 30 years,

I have just finished writing a book about romance scams and how to recover from them with dignity and without victimisation. In my book, I consider the modern digital lifestyle that allows us to hook up with everybody with ease and without needing to leave the comfort of our own home. Interestingly, I have had two types of experiences with online dating myself. The most surprising to me were the Internet dating sites that allow people to meet with people around the world and start a romance with them without ever even seeing them alive, not even on Skype.This resulted in me becoming a victim of a romance scam of which my book is about. The second type of experience has been the kind this program is talking about where you hook up with people near you that are available to chat and meet you, if you so desire. Zoosk, for example is big on hooking you up with real people of the opposite sex quickly and with varying results. Still I am left skeptical about the statement about the freedom of sexual expression. See, I was there thirty years ago as well. Now, I am considering the boundaries of where the so called freedom of sexual expression has led us. I am left wondering about what is the definition of freedom when talking about sexual desire.

The women interviewed in this particular program are very convincing. One of them is now free to express her masochistic side better than before. This is due to the world wide sensation of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. This particular book has now been given the dubious credit of freeing the female sexual expression and desire from its dormant captivity. Interestingly, I have read the Kama Sutra and seen the pictures as well, and I have had that book since the early 1980's myself. I just cannot believe that we have been so innocent before either.

In 1984, I attended a seminar on pornography in Danmark. There I met a woman who was a hooker, by her own definition and a masochist by her own definition, as well. I always thought that it was somewhat bizarre that her best masochistic fantasy was to have her man force her to ride a bicycle to the shop without having underwear. Well, Fifty Shades of Grey certainly topped that one for me. However, I have totally missed the sexual freedom part of the equation. I still do not see that the freedom of sexual expression has emancipated anything worth considering as free. Rather, it has been digitally reprogrammed to make the women play to the male model even more than before. Where is the freedom in that? What I really would like to see is the freedom to build compassionate relationships between people with no underlying double morality. Unfortunately it has not played out like that at all. 

Instead, even the Playboy magazine will now stop featuring the nude centerfolds as an expression of good business decision. According to the editor, we have bypassed the need as the Internet is now providing all that is required for those who want to look at porn or express their sexual freedom. Instead we now can be free to have more casual sex hook-ups than ever before. And that is considered freedom. Where is the truth about female desire? 

I'd rather go dancing with my love and express my sexual desire in passionate acts of love and love making than count how many hook-ups I can have in a week. I'd rather look at it from the point of view of making the world a bit more compassionate through less conflict and more hugs. I'd rather people express their desire in any form they choose instead of being boxed in a model that is restraining to their soul even though it might fleetingly feel freeing to their body. 

And that is the truth of that!

Welcomome to LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS: Episode 1. Behind the Book

Finally, I get to welcome you to my new venture: LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS on YouTube. I have been planning to start a YouTube project for quite some time.

This has been one of those things that has been nagging at me but due to some unidentified fear factor has only manifested itself after some help from good friends and friendly professionals.

The final impulse to getting my new channel out was a 7 day video Facebook challenge I took part in just a few of weeks ago with Rachel Dunn and Michael Hole and their Girl Director Company. It is just  little things that make all the difference. My friend Janet Blake has been a marvel in supporting and helping me to get over the live. She has promised to make conversation videos with me on regular basis which means that there is much to look forward to. There are also lots of other wonderful people who have said yes to conversing with me about many issues concerning us today in relation to LOVE ON THE LINE.

There are many topics that come under this flag, so to say. There are also other subjects in the planning. One of them being my SAGA HEALING JOURNALING AND RECREATING YOUR STORY FOR RECOVERY eCourses that are in development. My head is just spinning with all the new things I need to learn.

It is all for the good cause, I say. The goal is to highlight HOPE, RECOVERY and HAPPY ENDINGS possibilities for trauma recovery. Of course, all this stems from me becoming a target of a romance scam and writing a book about it. It has developed into a lot more that I thought possible.

So, now it is over to you. Please enjoy Episode 1 of the LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS with Janet Blake and I. It is the so called behind the scenes approach. I have included the full script here so that you may also read the conversation if you so prefer.

Thank you for reading, listening and watching.

FULL SCRIPT OF THE CONVERSATION Episode 1 LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS: Behind the Book.

This be our trial one, taking about where we are at and talking about book launches and LOVE ON THE LINE, even if it is in the tree.

Welcome to the LOVE ON THE LINE TV Conversations with Janet Blake and Elina Juusola

Janet: And Elina is the author, in case you haven’t heard about it somewhere along the line. In the, shall we say, momentum, leading up to this, of Love on the Line
Elina: Here’s the book
J: Her first book.  Before we just have a bit of a chat. You have just written a book
E; I have, and it’s actually been published
J: And you know what, from listening to you. Congratulations on that. This book, you are welcome, has been what twenty something, maybe longer in the making or incubating?
J: And this whole process has been nurtured by a number of people?
E: Yes

J: Including, perhaps, finally, coming to terms with yourself and honouring and respecting that deep inner sacredness of what was deep inside of you, what would come out.

E: Yes, it was. It was like.

Well, this book, particularly, LOVE ON THE LINE is about Internet Romance Scams and because I was a victim of one, although I don’t call myself a victim. I call myself a survivor, or I was involved in one of these scams as a target. So, that woke me up to that I needed to do what I needed to do
And so, I mean, the shock of being a victim, or a target of this kind of scam when I was not even able to believe that it would be happening to me, because I am pretty knowledgeable about things. Or, I mean, as I said before, I’ve researched pornography, prostitution, violence against women for over 35 years. You would think that, you know how these things go, but they don’t, you don’t.
J: Listening to you and you know, the time we share before, life perhaps has positioned you as an expert in this field and with the hindsight. Do, you think that that has actually created a huge blind spot
E: Yes. I think because, as a person I am still, even though that I have been doing a lot of research for a number of years, I still look at the world with a very, very blue eyes, maybe. And I still think the best of all the people. So, I am not suspicious, so I am probably exately one of these people who would fall into a scam. Because, I would read an email and say, OK this is a nice person. I wouldn’t go on expecting this person to be a scammer. There are a lot of people who do, but I don’t. So, I mean. It can take you unaware.
J: Remember, I think, it was Albert Einstein who said that one of the fundamental questions we have to come to terms with, and this isn’t the exact quote whether the Universe is a friendly place or not.
E: Right, and in my mind Universe is a friendly place and in my mind, humanity is better that what we think.
I look at it as a lesson and I look at it as if this is probably why I was able to feel that now I have to look into this scamming, I have to research and see the bigger picture and see what was my relationship to the scam and how it came about and that’s why, for example, I started journaling and I started writing down my experience in the way. And then, like you know, the book became a narrative healing experience and from there on it has developed even more, because I am now writing the sequel.
J: So, when you dream, do you dream in different languages
E: Yes. People speak the language I know them from.
J: So, when you write your narratives. What language you write them in?
E: English
J: Because?
E: Because, that’s the language they will be published in.
J: Haa
E: And then I need to have somebody who is a skilled person, who understands me. Like I had Chris Henderson, from Women Howling at the Moon
J: And she is fantastic
E: Yes, and she took me in, and she has interpreted and she changed the structure because I might be writing in English, but it still might have a Finnish syntax. And not only her, but before the book was published, I still had the context editing.
First I write. Sometimes, I plan in Finnish, whatever happens. And then I plan and I write and it comes, quite a lot from my, automatically, what I write and I write very much as I speak. And then I have a person who looks at my language and changes it and maybe come out with some words which I think I knew but I didn’t remember
And then the second tie, is the context editing and then there is the product. Perfect product.
J: Which just happen like that! J
E: Exactly! It did take nearly one and half years.
J: Yes, and all that time leading up to it, incubating.
The word scamming is used a lot. So, here is a question for you. And maybe it’s in another language, I am not sure. What would be another word or a string of words that you would use to describe the picture of scamming?
E: I would say, when you are thinking in the bigger picture. And that we live in… First of all we live in a society where we don’t always know what’s happening where the thought forms and the thought patterns of this society, they have been ingrained in our brain, so that that we, actually, automatically, behave in a certain way.
J: Like Pavlovian dog
E: Yeah, we are very, very predictable as people
So, we have our culture, we got our language. We have our environment, where we are.
And some people can also use these kind of thought patterns and though forms against us. And so the scammers do that. People who are trying to, trying to get something from us for their own behalf.
J: Do you think there is also an aspect or, in terms of scammers and us, that they see the wound that is crying out to be healed?
E: Yes, the scamming is all about emotions and it is about catching that weak, vulnerable moment of the target.
J: Aha
E: So, let’s say that in my case, I was really ill, already, because my mom had died,
E: and I had developed fibromyalgia, so I was so ill that I even thought that my life is going to end at 60 instead of 110 which I had already predicted that I would be.
J: uhyy J
E: Thank you, that’s my plan
J: Part of your ongoing bigger narrative
E: Yes, exactly. So, I was caught in that very, very vulnerable moment and what happens in your brain is that you then go from this rational thinking into your emotions and I was having, just marvellous time. I tell you.
It’s incredible to have this kind of emotional high. And I had not, honestly, felt like that in a long time. And what I realised with this scamming experience is that I could change myself. I could live in my emotions. Deeply. I could go, without any drugs, like enhancing it. That I could do it myself. I could make myself happy and the oxytocin and the, what else, the hormones just start flowing your brain. And I realised that this is the kind of thing what happens with scammers. They want you to be in that moment so that you automatically work in that way. And then they ask for money and when they ask for money, at least the first couple of times, it comes unaware and you automatically help because it’s in your nature. But what happened with me was that the moment I pushed the button, when I sent my first money, I knew that there was something fishy about it.
J: Ah, did you, but you still did it.
E: Well, after I sent it, I went like, ah this is something I’ve done. What did I do! J And then I went and I sent an email to my son and he found that it was a Ghana scam and then he said to me. Well this is what he said: well here are all the links but do not click on these links because you don’t need to read all that crap that there has been about this person. Just keep the good memories and particularly the romantic memories. And this is how writing this book came about
J: Yes. So, for me, just watching the process unfold, in terms of launching your book and what you have been talking about the editing and pulling together. And the story actually has evolved even during that process and it has evolved even earlier as were talking earlier over tea and coffee
E: Yeah
J: One of the keys or, if you like, the highlight of the book was when your son told you, just to hang on to, hold on to. It was a bit more than just a good bits, but the bits where he made you feel alive, awake, and fantastic and it was even a bit more than that, because it was enhanced awareness and those things. So hold on to that state and you didn’t say it in so many worlds but remember that the messenger is not the message.
E: What happened there was that J we actually started making, having ideas of what kind of documentary we would do. Like you know a documentary about the scammers who are working in Ghana, in their call centers pretending to be the military in Afghanistan as a militant. And then you have this person, this this person, who is actually the target, the romantic person that is there and we had so much fun. Not only with my elder son but also with my younger son. You know. So, it became like a sort of an inspiration and a muse.
J: M-U-S-E so the essence of that whole, what shall we say, event.
E: Exactly!
E: Exactly, and from there we can go into storytelling and If you would be looking at your life from the deep dept. You could be tracing your emotions from one place to the other. You could be journaling. How could I say it? At this stage, we have this new kind of consciousness coming in, where. we are now being able to create our own world.
J: AHA
E: like the quantum theory says.  And the quantum thought patterns, they now are telling us that we are not stuck in our own ways, we are not stuck into these thought models. We can actually create our own life. So, this is like my storytelling that we could create a happy ending
J: Yes.
E: to our story.
J: And we could create lots of endings
E: Exactly. That it’s not the same. The happy ending is as likely as a bad ending. So, like you now, we can be part of the creation of our own story.
J: cool
E: And in that way we can break this generational victim idea.
J: And we can rewrite our scrips in terms of our life story, can’t we? (The book falls)
And that might be the end of it because the book fell off our wonderful bookshelf.
E: Yes, and thank you very much for listening to us. This was the episode one of our conversations with Janet and Elina and we aim to do more. So, just keep up, subscribe
J: Once a week. The subscribe button might be down there.
E: Yeah, do it. Once a week, we will have a new conversation about
J: Life, the Universe and everything
E: Yes, and about Love on the Line. And it is called LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS
J: OK, so magic week for all of you in your life and explorations of
E: LOVE ON THE LINE
J & E Goodbye

Launch of Author Elina Juusola Book Tour of Libraries

                                          Picture by Aila Peteri


The year 2016 has been very exciting for me as many people know. Firstly, my book Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation was published in January with the hugely successful book launch at the Avid Reader Bookshop in Brisbane. There was another launch at my local Gympie Library in February. I was also able to speak about the book in my mother tongue Finnish a few times, at some of our community events, the largest being the Suomipäivät (The Finnish Festivall This was not only in Queensland but also in Sydney with the Sydney siskot (Sydney sisters).We know that romance scams are the top #1 fraud crime in the world. It is a huge issue and we need to talk about it as much as possible.

I am really proud to say that my book has gotten a wider audience lately. All the reviews have been very positive. I am now launching a Library Tour first in Queensland and then interstate to further fraud prevention and specifically to help the people who have been targeted by romance scams.

My tour will start on the 6th of May at the Hervey Bay Library at 10 am. Everybody is welcome. Just remember to register. In June I will be at the Victoria Point Library on Friday the 24th of June and then at the Logan North Library on Friday the 15th of July, both at 10 am. Then after an overseas trip, we start again in September in Logan and Gold Coast. The schedule will be on my Website. I am also planning on new ways to spread the word about love and fraud prevention and recovery from targeted through LOVE ON THE LINE TV on YouTube and online eCourses on Narrative Healing Journaling. So, look for them on my website as well. For now here are some very interesting resent links about me and my book:

ABC Wide Bay Radio interview with Trudie Leigo aired on the 3rd of May at 10.13 am. It was also aired on 612 Brisbane State-wide later in the Drive program and there was a very nice article included in the ABC Local Top stories as well. Please, enjoy them and comment on them. Links are also posted on my Facebook page.

I wish you all the best. Especially I want to thank a Sydney artist Aila Peteri for the lovely picture.
Looking forwards to seeing you around in the library near you.

What PornHarmsKids Symposium Thought Me about Pornography and Harm in the New Millennium

It has been 21-years since I attended a conference on Human Trafficking, Prostitution or Pornography. I quit for a while because after 15-years of researching these topics, traveling the world and talking about it, I had become disillusioned about the world. I actually related to just about anything through my research on pornography. I saw the patterns of power-over and subjugation everywhere.

Now, I realise that it is because our memory is built through patterns and anything outside these patterns we notice and remember. For me, there was nothing outside the patterns of violence I detected around me. My brain had been collecting material since a very young age and at that time I could relate everything, including children's play and dolls through the dichotomy of power over and subjugation that can be found at the heart of the idea of the pornographic message. I felt I had to get out and save myself from too much harm. Luckily, moving to Australia was the solution and a new career in age care and community building was the salvation. But how long can it last before the universe provides new impetus for thought for someone who is trying to ignore it the best she could? Not long. Somewhere in my subconsiousness, I did keep up with the issues and the connections kept adding up. Then I found myself a target of a romance scam and wham, the world made sense again. 

My book Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation is a result of that shock of becoming a victim of a scam. Through it I explain the bigger picture that I see through the patterns built in my brain about power over and subjugation through pornography, romance book reading and scamming. Now I am detecting scams in everything, especially in how we relate to each other as human beings. I am already in the process of writing a sequel. But before it my mission was to update my knowledge about pornography and harm it brings to us in the new Millenium.

Luckily, I saw the online add for the PornHarmsKids Symposium. It was held at the University of NSW on the 9th of February. I got my plane ticket and donated in my fee as advised and all and all, I was a little late but got there anyway. And this is what I learned on one day listening to very professional speakers and discussing the topics with other concerned attendees:

Unfortunately, I learned that nothing much has changed in 20-years I have not been active in this field. Or maybe everything has changed, depending on your view of things. I now, hold a personal 35-year historian view based on my own research about how the message of pornography harms human beings; women, men and children; those that are vulnerable and being used as pawns to earn money for those others with callous minds or otherwise disruptive behavior thought patterns about the matter of power-over and subjugation. I'll be frank. 

The most profound change is visibility. Or maybe not! Remember the billboards? We drive past them with the family everywhere. Well, during the 1980's porn was plastered directly on them. It's message was interfering with our lives most anywhere, I remember those sexualised women sitting on some fancy cars on billboard and I remember having to explain all of it to my son and my daughter. Even porn magazines were advertised along with alcohol and tobacco. We fought them down in Europe, USA and Scandinavia and the world followed through. The argument was: porn is everywhere. And it was. Unfortunately, just as the solutions for those times were put in place, Internet appeared and the visibility shifted to homes and anywhere with access to it. The message remained unchanged. Though, now we could view it from the comfort of our own space and more of us could find and watch porn without interruptions.

The other profound difference has come through brain research, actually. For now we KNOW, what we only had an inkling about during the 1980's. Our brain is affected by what we see. It builds patterns and our actions follow through, if we let them. And, now we also know that it take around 25-years to grow a fully functioning frontal cortex with the ability to rationalise. So, we know that young brains are affected and harmed the most by what they pick up along the growing process. PornHarmsKids Symposium was all about how to tackle that huge problem we are faced with by free access to online pornography. There are some alarming sign detected about our behaviour as human adults and kids in relation to how we see the world and act on impulses of the ideas that are presented to us. This can be really bad news for women and girls as our lives are heavily affected through vulnerability and conditioning. I am not saying that the men and boys are not affected. They are but the power-over and subjucation clause of pornography clearly points to the victim as female. It is hard to detect, I know. 

In fact, one of the speakers at PornHarmsKids Symposium, Dr Tucci, actually theorised that the different way the boys and the girls react to pornography points to inequality. He said that he could not understand what it was in that in boys, porn trickers their arousal response, while this does not happen in girls. Conditioning perhaps, he suggested. Well, I know! After all we live in a patriarchy and the messages in porn are molded to mirror the power-over and subjugation clauses inbuilt in the very structures of our society. Not a very hard thing to draw a conclusion from there. 

For me the rest of the symposium was about finding what practical advice, each and every speaker could give in order to best tackle the problems at hand. Three big ones come to mind:

Melinda Thankard Reist forwarded the messages that young girls want to say to boys about relationships:

And the @Cypercop1 Susan McLean gave advice to parents who are struggling to cope with the ever expanding world of pornography and how to explain and guide their children to avoid abuse and hate.

And lastly, Collett Smart gave us the 10 Body Safety Rules that can help a child to recognise where the boundaries lie:

There is an excellent PornHarmsKids website to go to for more information. From there you can get the videos and the articles that keep coming about the symposium and about the issue. I am really pleased that I went. Meeting all these brave and courageous people has given me hope. Also look up the Twitter handles @PornHarmsKids and @CollectiveShout. I know that young people themselves are very concerned and they will come up with some solutions of their own, once they are educated about this issue in an open and nonjudgmental atmosphere. 

Until that time, it is our responsibility to keep working at it. It is our responsibility to insert hope, recovery and happy endings positivity to the world. Hopefully you'll follow along and take action for the betterment of the situation and the world. Every era needs their own solutions. Let's find the ones that work now in the new Millennium.