How to Become a Key Person of Influence (KPI): Revisited and Revised Conference

I think that every person who is interested in entrepreneurship should know about the book called Key Person of Influence and about KPI Business Brand Accelerator seminars. Personally, I got to know about them 18 months ago, when I first attended a seminar in Brisbane. I was completely mesmerised by what I learned that day. I even attended the strategy session that was held the day after. It was there that I decided to write a book. 

At the time, I was still thinking about what my book would be about but the day solidified my thoughts and gave me clear purpose. I decided that my experience as a survivor of a Romance Scam was important enough to share with others. However, we honestly looked at it with Glen Carlson and decided that I did not quite fit the program. However, on that day I did meet a person who would became an important partner for me. Chris Henderson ended up becoming my coach and helping me to break some very solid barriers that I had imagined I had. The moment I knew that there would be another KPI seminar, I bought a ticket straight away. I was curious to know how the people who had started with the program were doing and was not disappointed in any way. They were doing fantastic, thank you very much. How wonderful is that!

One and half years ago these guys were good. Now they absolutely blew my mind by their presentations and by their wit. It is extremely well done when you can happily laugh with the other attendees and comfortably share little silliness alongside of an important futuristic message. In my mind I always rate the success of a venture by the ease, showmanship and the confidence I see the MC displaying. Glen has certainly been a wonderful leader. The results speak for themselves. Before it was a good day, now I think I should be on the program.

We heard the same speakers as last time, speaking about the same topics as last time. Then, they were inspirational. Now, they all were much sharper and more refined. This time, I never looked at the clock and wonder when the next break would be. I did not sense a moment of hesitancy from any of them. Saying this in a blog seems like a trivial thing to notice but I feel it is not. See, last time, I also found them incredibly inspirational. Now, they were even better. This time you knew that they had been successful beyond their own expectations and that confidence showed like a beam of light sighting through. You can even read it from the new and revised version of the book.

What Daniel Priestley before called a Five-Step Sequence has now become a Method. The Internet that he, just a few years ago pinpointed as the most influential 'game changer' has been further sharpened in the term 'digital' and that in its turn is explained as 'revolutionary stuff'. He now gets his own point and tells it through a story of a microphone. I love his explanation about the concept 'micro-niche' applied to his method. His explanations fits the theory of my favorite economist Thorsten Veblen's 1901 model of how the consumption process runs, from the elite to the masses and from the bulk to the specified, macro to micro and so on. Here, he is explaining the communication system enhanced with the development of technology. I have explained just about anything from scamming to dolls through the same theory. It fits. How clever is that. And new trends just keep on emerging.

So, the story of the KPI Business Brand Accelerator has clearly matured in the few years that I have followed their progress. It is an interesting thing to witness. I am really happy that I went. I definitely got a lot of new inspiration from the day. I thank all the speakers: Glen Carlson, Matthew Michalewicz, Andrew Griffiths, Tim Dwyed, Valerie Khoo and Jo Burston for the new focus.

And since it just has been the International Women's Day when I am writing this blog post, I leave you with a picture. It is of Jo Burston, Founder of Inspiring Rare Birds, an international network of women entrepreneurs. She is talking about the importance of the positive mindset. This half of a sentence:  "And by the way, you are waterproof", stuck with me. For women, it certainly means a lot. Here it is, enjoy and please, check the links. They might save your business, if not your life.

What PornHarmsKids Symposium Thought Me about Pornography and Harm in the New Millennium

It has been 21-years since I attended a conference on Human Trafficking, Prostitution or Pornography. I quit for a while because after 15-years of researching these topics, traveling the world and talking about it, I had become disillusioned about the world. I actually related to just about anything through my research on pornography. I saw the patterns of power-over and subjugation everywhere.

Now, I realise that it is because our memory is built through patterns and anything outside these patterns we notice and remember. For me, there was nothing outside the patterns of violence I detected around me. My brain had been collecting material since a very young age and at that time I could relate everything, including children's play and dolls through the dichotomy of power over and subjugation that can be found at the heart of the idea of the pornographic message. I felt I had to get out and save myself from too much harm. Luckily, moving to Australia was the solution and a new career in age care and community building was the salvation. But how long can it last before the universe provides new impetus for thought for someone who is trying to ignore it the best she could? Not long. Somewhere in my subconsiousness, I did keep up with the issues and the connections kept adding up. Then I found myself a target of a romance scam and wham, the world made sense again. 

My book Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation is a result of that shock of becoming a victim of a scam. Through it I explain the bigger picture that I see through the patterns built in my brain about power over and subjugation through pornography, romance book reading and scamming. Now I am detecting scams in everything, especially in how we relate to each other as human beings. I am already in the process of writing a sequel. But before it my mission was to update my knowledge about pornography and harm it brings to us in the new Millenium.

Luckily, I saw the online add for the PornHarmsKids Symposium. It was held at the University of NSW on the 9th of February. I got my plane ticket and donated in my fee as advised and all and all, I was a little late but got there anyway. And this is what I learned on one day listening to very professional speakers and discussing the topics with other concerned attendees:

Unfortunately, I learned that nothing much has changed in 20-years I have not been active in this field. Or maybe everything has changed, depending on your view of things. I now, hold a personal 35-year historian view based on my own research about how the message of pornography harms human beings; women, men and children; those that are vulnerable and being used as pawns to earn money for those others with callous minds or otherwise disruptive behavior thought patterns about the matter of power-over and subjugation. I'll be frank. 

The most profound change is visibility. Or maybe not! Remember the billboards? We drive past them with the family everywhere. Well, during the 1980's porn was plastered directly on them. It's message was interfering with our lives most anywhere, I remember those sexualised women sitting on some fancy cars on billboard and I remember having to explain all of it to my son and my daughter. Even porn magazines were advertised along with alcohol and tobacco. We fought them down in Europe, USA and Scandinavia and the world followed through. The argument was: porn is everywhere. And it was. Unfortunately, just as the solutions for those times were put in place, Internet appeared and the visibility shifted to homes and anywhere with access to it. The message remained unchanged. Though, now we could view it from the comfort of our own space and more of us could find and watch porn without interruptions.

The other profound difference has come through brain research, actually. For now we KNOW, what we only had an inkling about during the 1980's. Our brain is affected by what we see. It builds patterns and our actions follow through, if we let them. And, now we also know that it take around 25-years to grow a fully functioning frontal cortex with the ability to rationalise. So, we know that young brains are affected and harmed the most by what they pick up along the growing process. PornHarmsKids Symposium was all about how to tackle that huge problem we are faced with by free access to online pornography. There are some alarming sign detected about our behaviour as human adults and kids in relation to how we see the world and act on impulses of the ideas that are presented to us. This can be really bad news for women and girls as our lives are heavily affected through vulnerability and conditioning. I am not saying that the men and boys are not affected. They are but the power-over and subjucation clause of pornography clearly points to the victim as female. It is hard to detect, I know. 

In fact, one of the speakers at PornHarmsKids Symposium, Dr Tucci, actually theorised that the different way the boys and the girls react to pornography points to inequality. He said that he could not understand what it was in that in boys, porn trickers their arousal response, while this does not happen in girls. Conditioning perhaps, he suggested. Well, I know! After all we live in a patriarchy and the messages in porn are molded to mirror the power-over and subjugation clauses inbuilt in the very structures of our society. Not a very hard thing to draw a conclusion from there. 

For me the rest of the symposium was about finding what practical advice, each and every speaker could give in order to best tackle the problems at hand. Three big ones come to mind:

Melinda Thankard Reist forwarded the messages that young girls want to say to boys about relationships:

And the @Cypercop1 Susan McLean gave advice to parents who are struggling to cope with the ever expanding world of pornography and how to explain and guide their children to avoid abuse and hate.

And lastly, Collett Smart gave us the 10 Body Safety Rules that can help a child to recognise where the boundaries lie:

There is an excellent PornHarmsKids website to go to for more information. From there you can get the videos and the articles that keep coming about the symposium and about the issue. I am really pleased that I went. Meeting all these brave and courageous people has given me hope. Also look up the Twitter handles @PornHarmsKids and @CollectiveShout. I know that young people themselves are very concerned and they will come up with some solutions of their own, once they are educated about this issue in an open and nonjudgmental atmosphere. 

Until that time, it is our responsibility to keep working at it. It is our responsibility to insert hope, recovery and happy endings positivity to the world. Hopefully you'll follow along and take action for the betterment of the situation and the world. Every era needs their own solutions. Let's find the ones that work now in the new Millennium. 

Contemplating Motherhood

On Mother’s Day

I never was a great believe in the Mother’s Day. I always thought that celebrating Mother for one day, when 364 days a year the mothers of the world were treated badly really wasn’t a celebration. I preferred the International Women’s Day on March the 8th because it highlights the importance of our work for building equal relationships between the sexes in our society. My view of Mother’s Day has been impeded by my knowledge of the inbuilt violence against women in our society, but it has grown on me. I am clearly thawing. It is the grandmotherhood that is doing the job of making me see the more positive side of the Mother’s Day celebration.

Do not take me in the wrong way. I have enjoyed many Mother’s Days. In fact my first Mother’s Day as a young mother was when I came home with a new baby boy. I have also instigated a tradition of buying pyjamas to everybody to celebrate Mother’s Day. It has been fun. I have enjoyed sending cards to my own mother, grandmother and greatgrandmother. I was aware that they clearly felt that this day was an important achievement and I have always respected their views. But that time when my daughter gave a Mother’s Day Speech at the Finnish Society’s Mother’s Day celebration a few years back started the thawing process for me for real. And then of course she gave me my first grandchild and my son gave me my second one. That got me researching about this phenomenon called Motherhood.

Biological considerations on motherhood

By interpreting what the brain research during the last 20 years says, I can quite confidentially trace my grandmother’s urge for compensate emotional strain by retail therapy to her mother. My greatgrandmother had lost two babies before giving birth to grandmother. This experience of deep loss had left her emotionally incapable of connecting with the new baby, cuddling her or smiling with her. That caused grandmother a lasting trauma.

According to the brain research, it is the right side of our brain that has the primary capacity to understand and regulate emotions (McGilchrist, 2010). The left side interprets more mixed feelings. A baby stores the face of the primary carer to the right side of the brain. The more we, mother or carer, adore them, interact with them and cuddle them,the more their capability for empathy is developed (Szalavitz and Perry, 2010). According to the most confirmed research done with rats, the way we nurture our young will choose the DNA pathways that determine how we and the generations after us nurture our young.

But all is not lost to biology as according to research we choose the best of the best by mirroring the carer that has nurtured us most as babies. So, interpreting this research leads me to conclude that my grandmother chose to mirror my greatgrandfather, who at the time, instead of greatgrandmother had the capacity left to adore her, cuddle her and think that she was the best. Due to this emotional interpretation she then in her turn adored my mother who then adored me. This was enhanced by my father adoring me as well as he thought that I along with my sister was the best of the best. Following this lead, I of course loved my babies ‘to bits’ and my kids with the help of their spouses love theirs the same.

This according to grandparental investment theory leads to the best possible way for our survival as a family (Coall and Hertwig, 2010). So, why wouldn’t our brain, after a long generational left brain preferred functional interpretation of the pieces of information coming from the whole reality of the right brain knowledge come to the logical conclusion that a day called Mother’s Day would be the best representation of the culmination of this development. That is that on one particular day all primary carers called Mothers in different languages should be celebrated as tokens for this empathy development in our society. This decision of course mirrors the similar logical process by which Alexandra Kollontai and others determined that March the 8th would be the International Women’s Day in rejection of the Mother’s Day celebrations that did not feel politically correct for them. This is of course why we now have a Father’s Day, a Children’s Day and as many token days as we care to celebrate for any reason what-so-ever. They are not the reality but bring the thought into focus for a time, just like our left brain likes it.

Mother’s Day as a cultural statement of intention

To me Mother’s Day as such has not been real. It has lacked consistency in mirroring what really is the daily life of a mother. I can see it as a statement of intention in relation to what would be ideal. However, we are nowhere near there. But as with the idea of Santa Claus as a representation of goodwill in society, the idea of Mother’s Day as representing how we would like to treat all the mothers of the world, every day, is a valid ideal.

When looking at the history of Motherhood, it can only be said that there is a huge lack of sources and materials from where to look for the record of the concrete experience of motherhood in our culture. Across the cultures, through the history, women have been described as ‘made for motherhood’. They are essentially mothers by virtue. According to available sources all women were born to motherhood (Vanderberg-Daves, 2002). Much of these sources are religious statements on Virgin Mothers of various religions as a picture perfect ideal of womanhood. For a long time this distorted picture has determined motherhood as ideal womanhood.

The other reality for women comes from the statistics of domestic violence across the cultures. For me, as a researcher who has researched violence against women for decades and as a result has at times been totally disillusioned by the utter horror of it all, Mother’s Day celebrations seem a little bit too small as an effort to bring the inequality of the situation into focus. However, I am now warming to the idea. As a historian of ideas, I do recognise that it takes centuries to bring an idea to reality and 99-years of Mother’s Days and about the same amount of the Women’s Days is really a short time.

This year I will happily accept the flowers for the Mother’s Day. In fact I’ll buy the Tulips all on my own. I will also go and get myself a Whipper Snipper to ensure that these flowers will keep growing in my garden for the sake of motherhood and grandmotherhood as a cultural statement of genuine change in the world for more empathy in humanity.


References:

COALL, D. & HERTWIG, R. 2010. Toward an integrative framework of grandparental investment. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 33, 40.
MCGILCHRIST, I. 2010. The Master and His Emissary; The Divided Brain and the Making of the Modern World, New Haven and London, Yale University Press.
SZALAVITZ, M. & PERRY, B. D. 2010. Born For Love; Why Empathy is Essential - and Endangered, William Morrow, Harper Collins Publishers.
VANDERBERG-DAVES, J. 2002. Teaching Motherhood in History. Women's Studies Quarterly, 30, Fall, 3/4, 234-255.

Celebrating Childhood Memories Contemplated in the Light of Sciences and History of Ideas Versus Modern Film and Literature.

“A history of science is rich in the example of the fruitfulness of bringing two sets of techniques, two sets of ideas, developed in separate context for a pursuit of new truth, into touch with one another.”
(J. Robert Oppenheimer)








For the last week on Facebook (FB) people have been celebrating childhood memories. FB users have been encouraged to change their profile to their favourite childhood characters, either from literature, art, films or cartoons and such. Many of my friends have taken up the challenge. I have had a number of interesting discussions about our memories with my colleagues and friends, starting from “I don’t remember any of my toys or characters” to “such a wonderful childhood we had!” My friends are displaying a variety of characters on their profiles. I am noticing some culturally bound adaptations, though. But apart from that, this great multiplicity just proves that as people are individual as personalities, so are their childhood memories as represented by the characters they choose.




Lately I have also been reading a lot about the function of the brain and neuroscience in how our worldview keeps changing in accordance of how we experience our reality. Applying my new knowledge on brain neurons and their effect on our development and the role of childhood memories on our lives I am asking myself how the childhood characters we grew up with have influenced what we have became as adults.

I would say that over the years of maturing I have moved from Astrid Lingren’s Pippi Longstocking and Tove Janson’s Little Myy (because of the Finnish voice of the actor) combined with Mary Poppins as a movie character as my most memorable figures to Moomin Mum’s contemplative approach and Mrs Banks’ determination to save the world. However, much of it is still in relation to yet another memorable character, namely their ‘bag of tricks’.




I distinctly remember that sequence of the Mary Poppins’ musical where Mary opens her bag and takes out the lamp and other furniture to decorate her room. This similar scene was nearly copied by Hermione, in the last instalment of The Harry Potter movie series, where she opens her small beaded handbag and takes out the whole tent and camping equipment. I particularly have always admired the Moomin Mom’s handbag, where she finds what is necessary to fix anything and everything from sorrows to fun. Pippi’s bag of gold coins given to her by her father is the strait forward, no nonsense, representation of the modern world where money can short-circuit a lot of efforts for survival. No magical trick needed except for perhaps the adventurous spirit to find a historical shipwreck full of treasure. This kind of endeavour might not prove to be an easy task any more in the world where everything is already mapped quite extensively.

However, the bag of tricks remains in my mind a metaphor for daring to reach into the subconsciousness and look for out of the box ideas for new approached to solving problems presented to the world we live in.

It was a wonderful week to focus on such things from the childhood memories point of view. Now that Christmas is coming we might find a new ways for compassionate attitude to spread around the world. Here are some references on Pippi Longstocking you might be interested in:



Gaare J and Sjaastad Ø. 2002, Pippi & Sokrates, Filosofiska vandringar i Astrid Lingrens värld. Smedjebacken, Sweden. Natur och Kultur

http://www.dannelseskaravanen.dk/int_conference/socrates_pippi.htm

http://www.paideia.org/docs/research/AnnPihlgrenDissertation.pdf

Enjoy!

Where do the foundations of charitable and philanthropic thinking processes lie? – Looking for answers though the scientific approach.

Brief reflections and realisations gained at Dr Bruce D. Perry’s seminar on Transforming Childhood Trauma: Connecting with Empathy and Compassion held in Brisbane, 15/09/2010

A friend and I shared a very wonderful day at the Brisbane Convention Centre listening to Dr Bruce D. Perry’s insights on childhood trauma and recovery models. The auditorium was full of his fans from far and wide. Dr Perry certainly can take his audience to an exciting trip though the human brain development. The research and the case stories he shared with the spectators were extremely well streamlined within his presentation.

I was immediately captured by his comments on the age old practice of having your child sleeping next to you and his declaration that the modern preference to separate the children from their parents is not respecting the natural children’s brain development which is dependent on the building of a close nurturing relationship between the primary carer and the child. The closer and the more fostering this relationship is the better for the future of the child’s ability to feel empathy and be compassionate towards other human beings. Coming from a culture where this is a widely accepted practice, his declaration felt good to hear.

The other most remarkable comments by Dr Perry were that 65% of all the calories a newborn takes with food are consumed by the brain and a four-year old brain has already created 90% of all its functions, including the primary sense of being.

For me it is interesting to note how the brain works in practice by following my own memories that relate to philanthropic, charitable and humane thinking processes in my own life. It is also fascinating to analyse my own attitudes and through self analysis get to know what determined my world today. I have heard this saying so many times in the context of consideration about the rising consciousness: “if you look at yourself now, you know what you were in the past and if you look at your thoughts today, you know what you’ll be in the future.” These types of comments are often articulated in such discussions that conclude to consider words things. This process is concerned of realising an idea in the material world. The thoughts solidify into words and these words solidify into actions and ultimately may materialise as things.

I have two vivid memories that relate to developing as a humane human being, the other voiced by my own mother, with a long career as a teacher in Lapland, Finland and the other a friend in India, with a long career as a doctor and lately a director of Kristnamurti Educational Centre in Bangalore. Both are concerned in educating children to become compassionate human beings. My mother says that we should be learning to eat with a spoon from an early age and sit up properly on our chair as it is part of our culture. My Indian friend says that the two most useless inventions by humans are the spoon and the chair as when we eat with our fingers, our touch is also stimulated and when we crouch, our posture is kept firm and we keep healthy. Both are occupied and agree in bringing up healthy and able human beings. It is remarkable how human beings can start from two totally opposite directions and be of the same mind on the whole. To me this is a demonstration of how unity can be created from diversity. There is not only one way to do things, but many as long as the goal is agreed upon.

Listening to Dr Bruce Perry, who is an expert in brain plasticity, for a day on childhood trauma and recovery models, helped me to realise that we can also take a scientific approach and use our current knowledge of how the brain develops and functions as a tool to enhance and aid the transformation of the human consciousness.



A few thoughts clearly stood out for me on the day in relation to my search for the philanthropic thinking models:

1. The initial quotation Dr Perry used, from W.R. Inge, namely: “The best time to influence the character of a child is 100 years before they are born.” – This relates to longtime hereditary approach.
2. “Our brain allows us to absorb the accumulated and distilled experience of thousands of previous generations in a single lifetime.”
3. The utmost plasticity of the brain, which allows us to rebuild and re-organise the brainstems, diencephalon, the limbic system and the neocortex of the brain from the basic stems to the more complex systems and the other way around from the cortex to the basics. – This leads to that we can influence the brain in positive ways by providing ‘pattern repetitive inputs’.
4. The utmost co-dependence of the organisation of our brain to the close human relationships we have initially formed or the lack of them – The power of human relationships.
5. “From the neural developmental perspective, we need to be respectful of our biology in the process of inventing our reality.”
6. Being born a human does not ensure that a child has the capacity to care, to share, to listen, to be empathetic and have values or to be compassionate. This develops from being cared for. - “Humans become humane.”
7. Human mind pays more attention to the negative comments than to positive. The negative responses we get from our relationships outnumber the positive by 3:5 – “Everybody needs their rewards bucket filled every day.”

It is very comforting and positive to know that Dr Perry’s ‘Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics’ is producing results in the ‘treatment’ of trauma in children. The knowledge that it is possible to work closely together with the traumatised children and their families by using this model by first mapping and then re-organising the brain that has been maltreated in the past, brings with it new realisations of the possibilities imbedded in the utmost plasticity of the brain. What is incredible is that even though the human beings when creating our world seem to have little respect of our neurobiology and instead mostly work against it, it is never too late to re-organise and re-create our reality to better suit the natural environment.

Thinking of the model and the information I got from the seminar, through the handout reading materials and some additional research I could easily draw a direct line to philanthropic thinking models. The same realisations could be used in determining that people with little empathy or inclination to charitable or philanthropic thinking or action have some trauma to recover from. If we would think that a fully mature humane human being does possess the capacity to be compassionate and empathetic, then there must be a way to re-organise the brain to realise this aim.

Many practices aiming at raising human consciousness that we are accustomed to are based on repetitive impulses, yoga-practice for example and mediation, music and movement, prayer and much of singing, particularly traditional folk singing and dancing, even some traditional ways to create art. These practices have been developed during many centuries. We find them comforting and often revert to them when in need to ‘fill our rewards bucket’. All this practice requires close human interaction and relationships in the community to learn.

Lot of what Dr Perry said during the day is something that I knew before, scattered in little bits of information here and there. There has been much scientific research done on following young children to adulthood and through this it is evident that the brain takes longer to develop to its full mature capacity than thought before. The latest research says that we can only expect a 27-year old brain to be fully mature. Other topical interesting research concerns hypothalamus and its functions in sorting out human emotions and the blends of emotions. Our day with Dr Perry brought this research in sharper focus for me. I am really looking forward to reading his book Born for Love; Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered, written with Maia Szalavitz. The reading material that was handed out has been a great source of information. Lots of it can be found in the Child Trauma Academy Website as well. http://www.childtrauma.org/ It is well recommended.

I greatly appreciate all comments for future development.