Sydän saaliina. Romanssihuijarit verkossa. My new book will be published in Finland early in 2018

  Here it is folks! Tässä se on!
The cover for my new book, an extened and in my mind much improved Finnish translation of my first book LOVE ON THE LINE. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation,

  SYDÄN SAALIINA. Romanssihuijarit verkossa. (Heart as Pray. Romance Scammers Online). I certainly like the title. We pondered about it for a while. Everyone in my family got involved and voted, like they all voted for the best cover. Docendo then decided what was the best one from the marketing point of view. Sydän saaliina has been translated in the wonderful cooperation with my ex-husband Arto. It was a great experience working through Skype and the whole thing worked quite well. What was really, really exchausting was the rereading and correcting my spelling mistakes.

 Working on different systems can be a hardship since the Word works in different ways depending on the environment. Learning to do tracking changes and colour words. It certainly thought me a lot.

  In Sydän saaliina my audience in Finland can learn about my story. How I became a victim of a Romance Scammer and how I recovered by writing and changing the storyline to my own love story, complete with a happy ending..

 It is recommended that people who have gone through a traumatic experience write their story anew. I learned it a long time ago through the Internsive Journaling practice. During the writing of my book I heared it from the 2015 Sydney Peace Prize winner George Gittoes. And just this week I heard it from Dr Sharad P. Paul, when he was discussing his book The Genetics of Health with Matt Wells on his Slacking Ambition radio program. He also said that writing your own story will give you a larger view and context to your own life situation. This will help you to understand your traumatic situation better and help you to look for recovery methods. Seeing the bigger picture shifts your perspective and enables action.

  It worked for me and to help others in the same situation or those who want to educate themselves about fraud, I wrote my book. In fact my second book is almost there. I am very exited about writing my next HEARTS BETRAYED book. It is getting along as planned and expected to come out in 2018 as well .

  Watch this space for more information or go to my website.

Learning about Fraud Recovery through Translating My Love on the Line Book to Finnish

Docendo, my Finnish publisher asked if I would be willing to translate my own book to Finnish.

‘It would be published early next year (2018)’, they said. 

I was really hesitant to do it.

‘You could work on it and improve on it’, the editor suggested. ‘Some chapters could be extended and so on. It would be a new extended edition, just for Finland’.

So, I got excited about this possibility, but was still very uncertain to begin on my own. 

‘I need a good editor’, I counted. 
‘Well, you have one, right here’, the editor said.

What a relief! Finally, I could rely on someone to brush up my spelling and grammar. If you have been corrected all your life, it truly leaves you with low self-confidence. But I am determined to help others recover from the trauma of fraud, especially romance scams, so I had to overcome my fear.

Despite that, my mind was somehow permeated with dread. How could I cope? Would it take ages and ages to fit my two language boxed side by side, in my head? I saw my dyslexia as a barrier, once again, in accomplishing the task. It seemed like an endless highway of doubts and anxieties. I was depressed – again. A low moment. Luckily, my ex-husband came to my rescue.

‘I will help you’, he said through Skype from other side of the world.

I knew his language skills were perfect. I am so grateful. And so we have been working on it for about two months now and getting better at it.

Skype is such a great working tool, I have learned. It enables you to really be in the same room with your team despite the distance of half the world. And translating something I had worked really hard on my second language to my mother’s tongue has given me a whole new perspective to my own writing. I am even getting to appreciate my own thinking patterns. Sometimes I go like WoW! Did I really write that? And there are new words I have learned, as well.

Language is such a wonderful thing. There are words that are trendy, and translations that seem to get lost between languages. Sometimes there are excitement with finding new words that have been created and learning about them give you some delighted moments in time. You can really appreciate the meaning behind the words. And your understanding had expanded a bit, once again. Besides, you can learn a lot about yourself and about the subject matter at hand. Mine is fraud, by the way.

The book I am translating is called Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation, if you haven’t read my blogs before. I have gotten a new kind of depth to my writing and I am understanding myself better now. My ex, there on the other side of the world is really supportive and without his skills and language competency I would be in trouble in remembering every expression, after living in Australia for the last twenty odd years. How great is it to remember! And how great is it to finally get an equivalent meaning to a word like empowerment. (It is voimaantuminen, by the way). I had never even really realised that before a couple of years ago, there was not a word for this expression. Now, it is used very often in many situations. Some have even commented that they are sick of it. It is such a positive word and used too often, they complain. Does it go with the more downtrodden Finnish mind set? I feel it does, and I am delighted to finally be able to freely use it.  

Other things I have learned is that now, after two years from writing my first book, I am still feeling the same. But I have evolved. My recovery has truly moved to another level. I am eagerly writing my second book Love on the Line 2. How to Empower Yourself after Recovery from Trauma. And it is coming along very well. I am so very excited about it as well. And extending some chapters for my Finnish readers feels like this book is evolving with me. Now I know much more. Now I have contacts and a whole community that is working for the same cause. I am a member of trauma and fraud prevention support groups and know other people who are there and that helps, not only me but others as well. Great development!

I am trying to keep my Website up to date with information. Sometimes it is lacking behinds some, due to my enthusiasm to get these books on the go by the deadlines I have. So, thanks for being patient with me and supportive and everything. Especially I am thanking my ex for he is a great fellow and we are having such fun doing the translation.

What I am saying is: Watch this space! More will be coming, soon.

Desperately Seeking Empowerment for the Victims of Fraud

It is the last day of the National Consumer Fraud Week in Australia (15-19.5.2017) and I am researching the concept of #empowerment for my new standalone book Love on the Line 2: How to empower yourself after surviving the trauma of fraud. (The book will be out at the beginning of 2018 through Xlibris). I have been reading the news articles about the new 2016 Australian Competition and Consumer Commission report on scamming which states that there has been a 47% increase in reporting fraud in Australia. The combined report from the ACCC and the Australian Cybercrime Online Reporting Network also states that Australians lost the whobbling $200 million to Online fraud last year, including romance scams and financial fraud. What news! And what can we say about this report that would be constructive in helping the recovery of the fraud victims, especially for the victims of romance scams.

First of all, the rise of the reporting can show us that people are becoming more aware of the scammers on the social networks. That might be positive but it can also be the same kind of hike as is seen in Scandinavia with rape reporting. It is about the environment in which we live in. In Scandinavia, the definition of rape is much more severe than in other countries, like in Russia, for example, where there is not, any more, any concept of rape in the marriage by law. In Scandinavia, there is also a more open debate on the issue of rape, which allows the victims to feel safe in reporting the crime. However, that is not the case with the scamming victims, especially those who would like to talk about it on social media.

In Australia, it seem that at least the reporting and anonymous victims are more aware and safer in their reporting of fraud. That is not to say that they feel any safer at speaking out about scamming, especially romance scams, as the victim blaming is so rampant on both the social media and amongst the everyday talk about the issue. It is in the analogy with the rape culture where the victims feel ostracised and the scammers feel virtuous. So, who is being empowered, the victims of crime or the fraudsters who, in this world, are so free to commit their discretions?

My understanding about empowerment comes from my feminist background. The whole concept is fairly new because as a young feminist we did not speak about empowerment but about emancipation. In my own language, which is Finnish, I have only heard the translation to the world in the last three years. And in the other language, Swedish, which I also speak, my understanding of the translation has not yet kicked in either. So, how can you be something, you have no real worlds for? But it does have to do with power, right? And whose is the power?

Secondly, the report shows quite clearly, that the power between the fraudsters and the victims and the international crime syndicates and the law, still seems to be on the side of the criminal, despite a lot of new information and a lot of effort from the police. And I am lucky to be a member of the most supporting groups, both Online and in my State of Queensland in Australia.

What we as victims of trauma are so desperately seeking is recovery and after that empowerment.  Because, when one has been a survivor or fraud, especially romance scams, it will never leave him/her and will make the world seem less safe. It sort of takes you out of the cocoon of being right about everything and makes you humble in the face of the enormity and the complexity of the crime and the scamming scene. What we need is more information, more compassion and more awareness.

Luckily, there are methods that will help the person suffering from the trauma. Self-help methods or Online methods, like www.romancescamsnow.com where you can find a lot of information. And in the wait of my new book, there is also my current book, Love on the Line. How to recover from romance scams gracefully and without victimisation.  And from my website you can also start gathering more information for empowerment.

My mission is not to let the fraudsters win the race to empowerment but learn to shift the power to myself and to the others who have gone through a traumatic experience like mine. It can be anything. Luckily, at the same time as the social media is presenting the fraudsters more opportunities, it is also presenting the survivors opportunities for resistance. It is the matter of acting.

Empowerment means the will to change, to shift and to start the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights. So, let’s act on it, shall we!
Just look at this ACCC report to be convinced.

How to Get Educated about Internet Fraud?

Going back one year of my life and it feels like a lot has changed. My book Love on the Line. How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation was just published and here we stood, my friends Chris, Fiona and I posing with the new printed information. It was the definite start to my education on romance fraud, scamming and people who have been affected by this ever increasing global crime scene.

I definitely loved the colour of my book, pink. Little did I know that one year from the publication of my book, fusain pink would be a new colour of the women activism of the world. Cheers for that! I am just about to knit my own hat. I feel this year I need one to upgrade my efforts to educate people about internet fraud and activism. For me, last year on the road, talking at 20 events, mostly libraries was an eye opener. And I started writing my second book as well. It will be about empowerment after surviving fraud.

For me, it is important to continue the recovery from the traumatic experience and why? Because, it will never go away! It will always be there as an experience, nagging me to awareness. In one year, I have gone through such a learning curve that I never thought possible. I have totally re-evaluated my whole life from start to finish, from birth to this present moment in time, in relation to my experience as a survivor of Internet fraud.

It has made me stronger. It has given me a new purpose. It has reconnected me with my own sources of strength. This years theme for the Women's Day #BeBoldForChange truly applies to me. This year I have elevated from humbly starting to call myself an author, to Author, Speaker and Professional Anti-Scamming Activist. How great is that! You can see the upgrade on my Website. I feel so proud. I am proud of myself, proud of all the people, friends, family and supporting networks that have contributed to my change. It has been profound.

Yesterday, I was excited about my new ventures. Soon I will be going to Europe: Finland, Sweden and the UK. I cannot wait to talk about my book, and how to avoid Internet fraud and start the process of recovery and continue with the process of empowerment from thereafter.

Here is a cheer to my new challenges, to my new adventures. I will report back. For now I am just so grateful. I recommend: get on with the program and get educated, buy a copy of my book, for example, Read it to start with your own journey to recovery and further to empowerment and to a great life that is void of fraud, Become observant and aware of the hazards of the modern digital world. Be safe. Be an activist. Have a life.

Love is an Online Battlefield

             

Picture is taken by Aila Peteri at the 'Sydney Sister's Event, Feb. 2016

For a few months now, I have been traveling around the South East Queensland visiting libraries and giving talks titled: Love in an Online Battlefield. Meeting so many people who have been interested in my book Love on the Line, How to Recover from Romance Scams Gracefully and without Victimisation has truly been an inspiring and an exciting experience. Sharing the story of  my recovery as a victim and a survivor of a romance scam has opened my eyes to a much wider understanding of how our new digital world works in relation to adapting itself to the old and already well established social and cultural though patterns that have already been built into the structures of our society.

The included picture depicts perfectly my surprise and my feelings of devastation after relising that I had been targeted by a fraudster, who not only had used identity theft in obtaining pictures for his already false profile and made up storylines but who also expected me to part from my money in order for him to come and see me face-to-face. Turned out that I was a victim of false promises by a false profile with a false picture to boot. As an after thought, it is quite horrifying to think about how vulnerable and foolish I did feel myself after finally realising that what I had thought to be a wonderful and trusting experience had tuned out to be fake and a huge mistake.

Luckily, I had my elder son to lean on when he told me to concentrate on my positive feelings instead of the negative and hateful ones. That suggestion became my Muse helping me to write my book about the experience. Since my book was published in January 2016, I have learned that my experience and my recovery has been quite a miracle, statistically speaking, as there are so few people who actually recover and this being indifferent to the amount of money they lose as a survivor. It is only the general perception of scamming that equates the money lost to the scammers with the worth of the experienced grief as more valuable that just losing a lover. The victims and survivors themselves, at least those who have since shared their stories with me feel that it is the loss of the relationship that is more important and longer lasting than the loss of the money, however much that may be.

 

The report card from SCARS (The Society of Citizens against Romance Scams) gives its grim statistic that is only 'the tip of the ice-berg' about the state of the romance fraud in the word today. Some of my QLD Police Fraud Prevention and Support Group's discussions have revealed that up to estimated $7-13 billion has been lost to fraud, including the financial and romance fraud only in 2015 alone. It is huge numbers. And not only that but I have found that my speculations about the connection of scamming with the messages imbedded in the idea of pornography that gave impetus to me starting to write my book have now become even more direct. I have found through the stories that have been shared that there is a true connection with violence and scamming.

This RomanceScamsNow.com picture says it all. In my experience romance scams are not only violence against women but are thoroughly based on the violent behavior patterns inbuilt in our society in many levels, starting from violence against women and continuing permeating every possible sociocultural paradigm that can be found through the ideas that are implicit in pornography and prostitution as an example. But why not come and listen to my talk, if you happen to be  near Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia or Logan, in the Brisbane area. This week is my SUPER LIBRARY WEEK, seven libraries in four days between Wednesday the 5th  and Saturday the 8th of October, 2016. Go to my Website to learn more.

Next week, starting from Tuesday the 11th of October, at five libraries at Sunshine Coast, you can follow my thirty-five year journey as a researcher and feminist and hear how my career has shaped my desire to make a difference titled: Modern Sexual Exploitation. You find all the information from my Website as well.

But most of all I recommend you to read my book. Ask for it at your library or at your bookstore. Or just order it online through my publisher Xlibris. Mostly, see you at the library talks at the library near you. You can also find out more by visiting my Media page.

  

Love on the Line TV Conversations with Patricia Meister in 2 Parts

Welcome to a new and interesting Love on the Line TV Conversation.

This time I have the pleasure to introduce to you Patricia Meister, from Bundaberg, Australia who is a great example of a person who had a positive outlook in a dare situation. Namely, she is a victim of fraud, of a Romance Scam to be exact. Though her experience, she has suffered a substantial loss of money but that is not the most important part in this conversation. She has lost a lover, someone, who she thought was nearing what could be a soulmate, forever. It feels like death, losing someone you trusted to a scam. It is a huge betrayal.

Luckily, Patricia has taken a positive approach to her own recovery and is doing everything to get on top of her disappointment. She has done everything possible to educate herself and others: joined support groups, both face-to-face like the QLD Police Fraud Prevention Group and also many Online groups which can be found on Facebook, especially through the RomanceScamsNow.com

I was privileged to drive up to Bundaberg and have this conversation with her. She told me the story of her complex scamming experience. Afterwards, we discussed romancing, recovery strategies and possible happy endings.

You can find this Love on the Line TV Conversation in two parts from  my YouTube Channel:

Part 1 & Part 2

And if you want to also read it. Here is the transcript of our conversation. Both part 1 & 2

Please enjoy and remember to subscribe to my YouTube channel, so that you do not miss our other conversations. You can also follow me on my blog to make sure you receive every story. Also check my Website for news, like the Love on the Line South East QLD Book Tour continuing on Tuesday September the 13^th at Logan Hyberdome Library at 10 am.

Here is the script:

LOVE ON THE LINE TV CONVERSATIONS WITH PATRICIA MEISTER

E: Welcome to Love on the Line TV Conversations. This is a special conversations from up state QLD in Bundaberg. In this winter sun shine, which is a little bit on our face, actually. And, I am here talking with Patricia Meister.

I am very honored to have you talking with me and thank you and welcome Patricia.

P: Thank you. I am honored to have you speak to me as well.

E: It is so interesting how we met, isn’t it?

P: It is, indeed

E: and we met through the QLD Police Recovery Group

P: Yes, that’s where we met.

E: And it is, in my opinion, quite interesting, how sometimes when you have been scammed like this. I mean like have. We’ve been survivors of scamming. You actually make new very, very interesting friends. Don’t you?

P: It’s opened a whole new door for me, in terms of meeting new people. So, in that way, it’s been a really positive thing. There is a positive thing.

E: Yes, and there are thing that are happening. It’s online. You had bought my book before. And I was really, really intrigued when you told me this is how you met that group. And there was another person there as well who said oh, they had listened to Love on the Line TV Conversations and that’s how they found the group. So, we might as well say that this group meets every second Sunday of the month at the Qld Police Headquarters. So, if you happen to be listening to us or looking at us. Then, here are two people you find who have actually found this group through meeting and reading books.

P: Yeah

E: Well. Tell me about your story. It is quite complex and we actually counted about ten scams. So, I’ll give it to you. Tell me.

P: My story is complex. I did actually, by accident, come across my scammer online. He groomed me for probably a good four weeks before he really started to ask me for any money. In that time, he romanced me. He gave me music. He gave me poetry. He spent a lot of time priming me, if you like. And so, the first request for money was actually not a huge amount. He had supposedly entered Malaysia with a large amount of money and had his goods confiscated by emigration.

E: I see

P: Then after series of events trying to get the goods back. The first request was for living expenses because his credit card supposedly didn’t work in Malaysia. So, the first request for money was round about $600. And, even though it felt wrong to me, I went ahead and I did that transfer. And that was the first transfer I made to Malaysia. It was probably the beginning of a series of events that lead me on an incredible fantasy journey that ended up relieving me off a large sum of money, in the end.

The second request came to get the goods out of emigration and then after that money was sent, which was quite sizable sum. The next amount of money was then because the goods then went to the head man of emigration. So, there was another large amount of money required, there. Then at that time the money was supposed to be deposited back to me. However, it never happened because the bank was funny about the amount of money. So, the next step was that we would send it by diplomatic courier. So, the diplomatic courier then delivered this supposed consignment of money. It was very professional and I, I couldn’t pick that it was fake. It had its own tracking menu. It had tracking sheets that I could access. However, then the money went to the courier company which then supposedly, the money then went to the Kuala Lumbar Airport where it was held up because, we then required an exit clearance fee.

E: Oh right. And a large one.

P: That was a large one. That was around about $25000. So, after that amount of money was paid, I was then told that to make it completely safe to come back here, we would then require a Diplomatic Red Stamp. So that was another amount of money, of course.

And, all the while now, I was starting to be very concerned about this consignment in that he had sent me an application form from Malaysian internal affairs that he had filled out with the address listed as the address of my business. And by that time I was so far in that it was very hard to get out because in my mind I had a consignment of money siting at Kuala Lumbar Airport that was listing me as a recipient. However, there was no consignment as we found out in the end.

But, it then sort of led into a Red Stamp situation where that was more money. So, then, finally, the money was acquired to get this Red Stamp and the consignment supposedly was on its way to Australia. And then I had a tracking sheet telling me that the consignment was in New Zealand and then there was another tacking sheet to tell me it was now at the Melbourne Airport.

At the same time, I got a SMS message from supposed diplomat with an Australian phone number, telling me that the consignment had now been held up at the Melbourne Airport and required an entry clearance fee of another $25000. So, at this stage, I guess, I was still believing that this was a reality, though I was starting to think: ‘OMG, so many stories. How can there be so many dramas?’ And you know, money was getting harder to get, by this stage.

E: And what was the thing that tipped it over?

P: The tipping it over in terms of me realising that I’d been scammed?

E: Yes

P: Well. I got the entry clearance money together. That week my scammer was supposed to be coming back here. We were also supposed to be doing Skype that week. And he was supposed to be picking up the entry clearance money from the bank that morning, to deliver it to the courier company and book his flights. End of story.

E: Yeah?

P: Well, of course that never happened. And I got a phone call at work, on that Monday afternoon and I had a rather, shall we say, unpleasant…  He was an Asian man. And, he then said to me that my scammer had been involved in a very serious car accident with his lawyer.

E: Oh

P: Of course, the lawyer was the main player in this scam all the time. The lawyer was the one that he dealt with emigration. The lawyer was the one, whose bank account I was supposed to be paying into. At the end it did appear that the lawyer was a Malaysian woman who worked with telecommunications. And, that was what I found, when I Googled that name which was a very unusual name.

Anyway, he was supposed to be in a critical condition. And all the while I was then getting emails from a so called Wellness Clinic. And being that I have a background in Medical Science, I started to sort of think to myself that if you are in a critical car accident, you are going to be in intensive care in a major hospital in Kuala Lumbar and I would not be getting an email from a wellness medical clinic with an Outlook email address. So, my son actually alerted me. He said: ‘Mom, there is no Wellness Medical Clinic in Kuala Lumbar.’ And he directed me to an embassy sight: US Embassy in Malaysia. And so, I went there and had a look and OMG, there was my story.

E: Ooh

P: You know. Almost. It was business man working overseas. He was a widowe. Scammers have incredibly bad luck.

E: I just wanted to ask you what really tipped you over. We counted now about nine different kinds of scams, which were one after the other, which your scammer, you know, tried on you and actually was quite successful. So, what was the tenth one that actually tipped it over?

P: It was the car accident. It was just one too many stories and I had read about people getting scammed because of accidents occurring and because of medical reasons. So, that really rang a bell for me. I wasn’t so savvy about the courier company and consignment and the confiscation of goods by emigration. I really was unaware of those kinds of scams but I had heard about the medical. And I used to keep thinking to myself, ‘well I haven’t had medical issue yet. So, when that happened, it just rang a huge bell with me. At that moment when I got that phone call from the Wellness Clinic, so called, I thought: ‘well, he is going to be in the major hospital, anyway. I would have a doctor phoning me.’

E: yeah

P: I wouldn’t have some incognito person giving me a ring. And, at that moment, I just kind of. I think, my heart just dropped to my shoes and I just though ‘OMG, I’ve been scammed’.

E: Yeah and by the time you counted the money, you had nearly lost a six figure sum, already.

P: Yes

E: So, it is quite a wakeup call. Is it?

P: It was a wakeup call. It was like. Actually, for the day. I couldn’t even finish my day at work. I was just OMG, you know.

E: Hmm. You also said you confronted your scammer?

P: Yeah, I did.

After the accident. You know the scam didn’t end there, because then they did try and hit me up for medical expenses. And by that time, wow, I was just out of money. So, then whilst he was supposedly in hospital, I then got hit up by the courier company for another $25000 for the entry fee which I refused to pay. They had then threatened they were going to hand the consignment into the Australian authorities.

And, I end up getting legal advice on that actually. My lawyer told me that I’d been scammed and there was no consignment, so ‘don’t pay any more money’.

E: Yeah, it’s quite interesting how long time. it went on for a quite a long time, six months you say?

P: Yeah, six to eight months

PART 2

E: Now, what I am very interested of course is the romancing. You said before that you liked my book because it was positive and I remember that because my son told me that, you know, ‘block him out, do all that, but remember the romancing’ and it was such a wonderful high. And I’ve heard you talking about it, too. And I think that we have there the common link that how on earth, you know, it is possible for a scammer to just crab your brain so much. So, what were your feelings about that?

P: I think that he groomed me very well. He found out as much as he could about me. I was at the time of my life where I was probably missing something in my life. And I was working very long hours. So, I didn’t really get out and about and socialise a lot. And, I’d never really gone online for anything like that and so. It sort of happened by accident in my life, really. It had its positives and negatives and I think that the thing I will say is that he was very polished. He was very educated man. He was incredible good with his grooming and his romancing. And he, I guess they tell you what you want to hear.

E: It hit every nerve?

P: It did and as you have said it in your book that it releases endorphins in your brain and they are basically the feel good hormones. And I think, for couple of months, until the money issue became a big issue for me. For the first few months of the scam, it became almost like an addiction.

E: Yes

P: His words of love. The beautiful music he would send, the poetry he would send. He really awakened a side of my personality that I had thought had died.

E: Yeah, I think that there is quite a lot of women who feel the same. This is what I would also say, that it woke up me into this world and I suddenly realised how strong this kind of thing is when you are getting your hormones and you are getting this high. And it is very much like a romance books. When you now read what he said, do you think that it is very much like from a romance book you read before?

P: Oh yes. When I do read back over it, I sometimes think: ‘OMG. How on earth did you ever get to the point that you did with this, because?’ But then when I read back over it and I think, well, he just made me feel like I was the most precious thing, ever.

E: Yes, I read some of the text messages what you got and I must say that, you know, they are very nice and very polished. And I would, even as, like an outsider, when I would read, I would like: ‘oooh, aah’. ‘That’s what he said to you’. That is true. I also had some of the very similar, like you know: ‘I never find anyone like you. You are the best and I love you so much’. And this was like you know, again and again and again in the text messages. And you had lots of emails. Oh no, no, they were not emails, they were on Facebook

P: I had and incredible amount of time put out for me. I wasn’t and easy snare, to be honest. I questioned everything. All the time. And he would come back with this incredible romancing and of course. When the money was there, the romancing would just become more and more intense.

E: Of course

P: There would be more music sent and more poetry sent and more dialog. And sometimes he would then want to be online with me, you know, not just once a day but twice a day.

E: Yes, to make sure that everything went well. Did you have some mess ups with sending things, like I did?

P: Initially, the bank security phoned me and more or less asked me how I had met this man, because it was out of character with my banking history, to be sending money overseas. And, they actually did say to me that they were problems with sending money to Malaysia and that they actually thought that I was being scammed. And I chose to ignore their warnings.

And the interesting thing was that right through the middle of it all, where the amounts were much higher that I was sending. They didn’t really question those. But they questioned the very first transfer and the last one. And they phoned me twice over the last one and said: ‘are you definitely sure you want to send this money and I said: ‘yes’. And, you know, even at that time, I was kind of starting to feel that things weren’t right.   

E: Yes, I understand completely. But then he has tried to come back again. A few times and more romancing.

P: The downpour of romance, and songs and the poetry was intensified on the second round. And, it was, I guess, because I haven’t taken a bait this time.

I hadn’t heard of him. He just fell off the side of the cliff, if you like and I was just left dangling there without the ledge to stand on. The phone number I’d been using in Malaysia was no longer working. The contact through Facebook stopped and virtually I did send him an email, at that stage, telling him that I knew he scammed me. And, I knew it didn’t bunch because it didn’t come back. So, I pretty much just sort of thought: ‘Well, I made a mistake. I financially almost kind of ruined myself’. Though I did keep my head to a degree with that and I didn’t let him take everything from me.

E: Yes.

P: But, he took enough to put me in dire straits for a short period of time. And I was lucky because I did have support systems around me that sort of helped me to get through that time, because it was a pretty devastating time for me. And, all of a sudden, it was like a withdrawal from all, because he just disappeared.

E: Yes, and then he comes back and asked for more.

P: The first real contact that I had back with him was about four weeks later. And I had a message sent to me: ‘Hello honey. It’s not what you think.’

So, then he followed through with that story. He always built a story out of a story. And he was so good at doing that. The next story was that he had been contacted by the FBI that I was quite correct in assuming that the courier company was fake and crooked. That the FBI had confiscated the consignment.

E: This was, like, also in the end, there was an identity theft with the FBI. That’s right? They wanted to have your IDs and even your passport?

P: Yes

E: How about recovery, then? What kind of recovery strategy you have now? Because, now, you are now at the stage where you know it is a scam but you are still a little bit into it. He is trying to get back to you and trying to involve your brain and your emotions into it. So, what know of recovery strategy are you thinking to do now?

P: Well, I have had to learn that I have to completely block everything, to do with him. So that I will then not have any contact whatsoever. Or he cannot contact me. And once I’ve actually achieved that goal, then, I will be able to move forwards a lot better, I Think, in my life. I’ve been very lucky with my recovery because I do have a business and my work that I really enjoy doing. And I do get to talk to people all the time, every day. So, I do have social contact there. And, I also have a number of different projects that I’d like to pursue.

E: I know that for me, writing my book distanced myself from the scammer and I had something else to think about and then, in that way I sort of lost the contact. And even the will to in any way be interested in him. And you have lots of lovely things happening.

P: Yes, and I think that the will to be interested does go at the time when you discover that you’ve been scammed, because it is such a huge betrayal of the trust. But on the other hand, as we talked about before, it is a type of addiction that you have. And so, you really need to fill that void.

E: That’s right. And you do have background in this.

P: You need to fill that with something different in your life. And for me, it’s opened up a whole lot of new direction for me that I could follow. And that’s been a really positive thing for me as well. So, I have managed to put together a tribute in the art gallery here for my mother’s talents as a dress designer in the 1940s and that’s something that I have wanted to do since she in 1999. So, that did occupy a lot of my time

E: Yes, and lots of possibilities there, too. I’ve seen the designs and they are fabulous.

P: There’s a lots of opportunities there to market these things in very productive fashion. And then, of course, I would really like to write a book on the experience but it is going to take some time. And I need to be a little bit distanced from it to really I think write it in a way that really is going to be appropriate.

E: Yes, you can join in our conversation in Happy Ending on how to rewrite your story which we are going to start here and have even eCourses and stuff like that, which are like according to what I had. What was my strategy in my book. You are very welcome to be part of that.

P: Yeah. I do find that it’s a bit raw now still. To go back and read over the dialog and think: ‘OMG and think: how did you ever? What were you thinking?’

E: What were you thinking? What did you have in mind? How did you imagined your happy ending would be?

P: My happy ending was. I guess. I’d had found this most wonderful man, who was going to be my soulmate forever and that we walk off into the sunset together.

E: Yeah, like today.

P: Which, of course, is not reality based. Real life is not full of romancing and fantasy journeys, is it?

E: No, it’s not a romance book. I think that romance books are a real exaggeration but they do get your brain and they get your endorphins going. So, at least some of that should be. We should be able to have right in our lives, I recon. Yeah, so, hopefully, we’ll find the new somebody who would be.

P: Yeah.  Hopefully, you never know what’s round the corner. And, I guess, maybe there is, sort of, you know, someone out there, that I’ve yet to find.

E: Well, thank you very much for coming and thank you very much for talking to me.

P: Yeah. Thank You.

E: (to the audience) You’ve been watching the Love on the Line TV Conversations special edition with Elina Juusola and Patricia Meister. And this is in Bundaberg. Please subscribe so that you won’t miss any other of our conversation. And have a wonderful week. Thank you so much for listening and watching.

Both: Thank You J

Love on the Line TV Conversations with Sharon Armstrong in three parts

I have promised you a Love on the Line TV Conversations special interview with Sharon Armstrong. And if you have not read my previous blog about her. Click HERE and then you can also read the previous blog about the Tainted Love Symposium that recently was held in Brisbane.

Now that you are up to date with the latest on the Australian romance fraud scene, here is the treat.

The Love on the Line TV Conversations with Sharon Armstrong in three parts:

Part 1 Sharon Armstrong story (as recorded at the Tainted Love Symposium

Part 2 conversation about Sharon's recovery in her unique situation as a prisoner in Argentina

Part 3 conversations on shame, humiliation and the importance of family in the recovery process

and of course that was not all we talked about.

I was truly delighted to have this conversation with Sharon Armstrong. It is in three parts due to the YouTube posting time limits for individual accounts, but in this way you will get it all.

Her campaign Standup2scams if on Facebook and on Twitter.

And if you feel that watching it is too much because of my beautiful Finnish accent and Sharon's New Zealand one is sometimes hard to follow, here is the whole conversation for you in words. I am sure it will be an eye opener for you, just as it was for me:

Part 1

Hello everyone and welcome to the Love on the Line TV Conversations.

On the 31^st of May, there was a special symposium in Brisbane, called the Tainted Love Symposium. My last posting was the report from that symposium. If you have missed it, you can go back and find it and look at it. However, after the symposium, I am delighted to say that I was able to record a special conversation with Sharon Armstrong, who was one of the keynote speakers, who so generously shared her story.

Now we have here three parts to this conversation. The first part is her story as I recorded it from her own lips from the symposium. The second part is our conversation about recovery and how she got through two and half year imprisonment in Argentina after being scammed, through a romance scam to becoming a drug mule. The third part is our conversation about shame and humiliation, about forgiveness, gratitude and the importance of family in the recovery process. And a little bit about the future and maybe a happy ending in the end. 

So without further a due, I present to you Sharon Armstrong:

I left a great career in New Zealand to be with my family on Brisbane and 2010. The next few months were about looking for work. I was consistently told that I was over qualified for various positions and over the next six months, I became more and more despondent.

At the end of October, a well-meaning cousin of mine signed me onto a dating site: match.co. I was not overly happy with this and found it overly creepy, actually, so I decided that I would unsubscribe from the site. My profile was to remain alive for a further three days. It was in this time that I received a message from a very handsome looking man, Frank Mark Linus. His first message to me had me hooked like I’d never been before.

We seemed to have so much in common although there were a lot of differences as well which made it all exciting. He only lived about only 45 minutes from where I was living at the time. He told me, he was a civil engineer. His fiancé had been killed in a car accident some years earlier and his mother had worked for the UN in Human Rights but had died eight years previously. He was an only child and had loved his mother dearly and had spent most of his childhood living in various countries around the world. He was alone and told me, he loved my strong commitment to my family and he could tell that I was an honest person with the same values as him. He would talk about how excited he was to be part of such a loving family.

We were meant to meet about a week after we first started talking. However, on the big day, he rang, most upset to say he had been called to Sydney for job interview. If successful, it would mean a contract in London. He later called me that he had landed the contract and if I supported his decision to go, he needed to leave immediately. Of course, I said go; he needed work. He made contact as soon as he arrived in London.

So, I am being groomed over a period of five months. The journey consisted many heights and probably just as many lows. His contract fell over by Christmas and the first request for money came.

While, I initially responded to him saying that I was concerned he had asked me for money and that maybe this was all too good to be true. He came back, saying: It’s not all about the money, honey. And don’t worry about sending it. He’d find another way to pay his workers. So, I ended up feeling guilty. Guilty that I hadn’t believed in him and sent off the first of many money transactions.

He then begins to warm me up to the idea of doing some contracting work with him which may involve having to travel. He tells me I would be his PA, really his fiancé, he says.

Throughout January, there was one issue after another that required him needing more money, from his previous workers threatening him due to money they were owed, through to him falling gravely ill and ending up in a hospital and remaining there for three weeks, ensuring an ever increasing list of problems arising. By this stage, he was consuming my life in every thought. We would text message and talk on the phone on a daily basis.

In February, 2011, I was offered a short term contract back in New Zealand. Timely really, because by this stage, I had already sent most of my savings to him by Western Union, a service I had never previously used. So, job meant that I could support him, while he secured another contract. By the end of March, he tells me, he has secured a very lucrative contract doing some civil engineering type work in London. Then he convinces me to travel to South America as his PA to pick up his contract and take it on to London for him to sign.

Meanwhile, the love of my life continues to charm me and tells me of the time when we will meet for the first time, how we will spend our time in London before returning with me to New Zealand and then to Australia to meet my family. And if all went well, returning to London with him, while he completed his contract. Why wouldn’t it go well? We’d known each other intimately. We’ve been speaking for five months and shared things that I had never shared with anyone.

So, I make arrangements, all exited and apprehensive at the same time about finally meeting him face to face and beginning our life together as he had promised. I organized some work commitment I had and finally tell my family. They weren’t happy about me going, but hi, at 53, no-one was really going to tell me what to do.

The organization sends me my airline tickets. I am flying to London, stopping over in Argentina to pick up his contract. Originally, only stopping over for a couple of days at most, suddenly, everything changes and they want me to fly to Switzerland to pick up more papers, then to travel by train to Madrid before finally arriving in London. By this stage, I was feeling very anxious, in a foreign country, waiting for the papers to be delivered and then to have the plans keep changing, my stress was skyrocketing. In comes my savior. He says to me: Don’t worry, honey! Dale, day was his … who was a secretary to the organization Frank was going to work for, can pick up the papers in Switzerland. You just bring the documents to London and I will fly to Spain, sign them and return in time for your birthday.

A week later, a night before my flight to London, I am given a suitcase, which I immediately checked. It was empty. Frank tells me, they had hidden the contract in the lining of the suitcase. I question both himself and his friend as to why the papers have been hidden. They come up with a variety of excuses including the fact that the contract is worth a lot of money. I am still feeling anxious about this when Frank tells me, if I am still concerned, lift up the lining and check out the contract. With this response, I think: You’re just being paranoid, Sharon, because you trust this man and he is telling you, how wonderful and fabulous our life together will be. Also upon my arrival in London, he was going to take the document on to Spain, sign them and return to me within 24 hours. So, I think that of there were anything sash in the bag, he wouldn’t be offering to take it on to Spain.

So, the next day, I turn up at the airport and make it through the customs. While waiting for the boarding announcement, my name is called and I am asked to identify my bag. Which I do. Eventually, this all leads to me being arrested at around 3 pm , on Wednesday the 13^th of April, 2011 and spending the nest two and half years locked up in a prison in Argentina, a victim of a scam that involved romance, money and drugs.

Here you have Sharon’s story to the point when she was arrested in Argentina. Now further on, the second part is about recovery and how she got through this two and half years in imprisonment and the third part directly after that.  Thank you for watching part ONE of Love on the Line TV Conversations, a special conversation with Elina Juusola and Sharon Armstrong.

PART 2:

Welcome to Love on the Line TV conversations, and I am really, really stoked and suer

Welcome Sharon. I am really, really super excited to be here with Sharon Armstrong, from New Zearland, who has a very, very deep experience with romance scams.

Welcome, welcome Sharon. I am really, really happy to have you here

S: Thank you Elina

E: Yesterday we went, and we were part of a very exiting symposium in Brisbane. It was called the Tainted Love Symposium and you were one of the key speakers I just wanted to recall on how we met.

S: Well, I think it must have been in the middle of October last year when I was invited to speak at the QLD fraud and recovery support group. And, you were in attendance there and after that I had given a bit of my story and what had happened to me, we sort of chatted afterwards and you wrote a blog and we sort of stayed in touch in social media ever since.

E: That is right. We were also connected by the social media which is very interesting because we are talking about something that happened online and so. And many people say that you are on social media and you never really connect but we have

S: Absolutely

E: And this is what happens with romance scams: people connect online. And, so. We have a very different experience about romance scams but I was deeply taken by your story and because my story is so very, very brief and basically it just woke me up into this world. You story is such a huge story. It was 2012, right?

S:  It was 2011 when I was arrested

E: and then you came back after

S: I’ve been home now for just over two and half years and I was locked up for two and half years. So, it happened, April 2011

E: OK. Would you say that your recovery started already when you were in Argentina or did it really start after you came home? Which/what would you say?

S: Ah No. I believe my recovery started fairly early on after my arrest. I think, one of the unique things about my situation and recovery was that because I was removed from society and had no access to technology, therefore, you know, any form of media. It was almost like I had the opportunity to look in deep. I wasn’t dealing with the normal day to day things that many victims of these types of scams are left to deal with. Still having to get on with their lives, still having to get up and do the same things they did before this traumatic experience happened. Whereas for me, you know, I just had myself and my thoughts at that time.

E: Yes,

S: Yes, I have a close family and I was in touch with them, but essentially, I was only responsibly for myself. So, I believe that my first step towards recovery was realising that I needed to express how I was feeling to the scammer and the impact that that had had on my life. And I sat down one day and wrote this letter to him knowing that he would never receive it and that I was never going to post it but it was more a step in the healing that I needed to do. So, I did. I wrote about the impact to myself personally, to my family, the situation that I found myself in. And then after I’d written it I thought: do I destroy this? But no, I’ve held on to it. I still have it. Yeah, I believe that that was the beginning of me accepting. Even though I wrote it to him, it was to the him that I believed was real, at that stage. Of course I knew that he didn’t exist.

E: Yes, and did you then, after that keep a journal?

S: Yes, well I started my journal prior to that. Probably I started my journal a week after my arrest when I first got some pens and I just started recording and writing about the day to day things that was happening in prison. Times when I was probably feeling very upset, sad, very lonely. I would write a bit about that, but I tries to use it more as a way to keep myself stimulated and to start to create some focus around to where I wanted to go.

E: Yes, I understand that fully because I also did a lot of journaling, but of course I was able to talk to all these people and I was on social media and that is a big difference between us, like you know, your healing has to happen at the same time as you are actually confronted with the social media. And very often, what I have found, is that it sort of leads into a little bit of an addiction. That you sort of change from being addicted to this, what happened in your brain and being high with the scammer - into the chasing of scammers.

S: Yes, yes,

E: And how did you feel when you came back home?

S: You mean in terms of the scammer?

E: Yeah, and how your recovery then proceeded. After that point when you were home, when you were able to use all the resources you would have?

S: Yeah. I think that because I was there two and half years. I think that by the time I left prison, I was in a good space. I could think about the scam and not feel like, you know, I wasn’t feeling anger, I wasn’t feeling grief for the loss of the relationship or anything like that by that stage. So, coming home was really more about making some decision around where to from here. It wasn’t easier, easy because there was still media interest and I chose under the guidance of a very wise media person to then just stay away from any media contact for 18 months. In hindsight, it was a very good thing to do. It gave me a change to just slip back into doing a bit of work. But I reached a point where, and I knew this when I was still locked up in prison, that I would do something with the new knowledge that I gained and my experience and what I had been thought and my learnings. So, it was really just how that would manifest more than anything.

E: Yes. Last year when we met first time and you were talking about #standup2scams and that was how we connected online and afterwards you started that one, but then now, you started the Mule

S: Yes, #standup2scams sort of came about: I was approached for about 15 months ago by a journalist from New Zealand who wanted to do a story of what had happened. So, when this documentary first came out, I thought. Well, now is a good time to try to set up a social media campaign. That is something I’ve never done before. So, I decided I check out how to do a page on Facebook, which I did. We came up with the name #standup2scams because I really wanted something, in term of the campaign that portray a strength, a position of strength rather than from a victim point of view. So, the #standup2scams was really about taking back the power and being able to stand up and talk about what had happened to me. So, I set up #standup2scams on Facebook and on Twitter. And, as you mentioned earlier, I found it incredible in terms of establishing relationships.

So, through that, I’ve got some other relationships now with other likeminded people across the world which has been very advantageous. But from there, actually at around the same time, I was contacted and speaking with an international human rights lawyer, who actually I knew twenty or so years ago from my day with in corrections. He is very involved in law aid international and slave scenes. He was the first person who put to me that he believed that I was also a victim of human trafficking. Which I found very interesting at the time because, for me, at that point, when I thought of human trafficking, I thought of women had been kidnapped and sent overseas and trafficked to wealthy businessmen for, you know, a variety of sordid things. So, or children being trafficked across borders. But when I actually looked at the definition and explanation of human trafficking, it is about the exploitation of people, generally across other jurisdictions

And so, we’ve been going and operating for some 11 months and currently not receiving any funding but we haven’t actually, actively sort it. But we offer free advice to people that may find themselves arrested overseas, particularly as unwitting drug mules, and unwitting money mules. We also provide services to those who might think they have been scammed, who are being scammed, who are in recovery, who just wish to talk to someone

E: Yes, and you know, it is very individual. We know that this problem is huge and is just getting bigger and bigger and bigger, like $339 million in 2015 was, this is only in Australia, went into internet fraud. So, that’s a huge… Even though romance scams was only $23 million and that had gone down a little bit but that doesn’t really say anything because it is just the tip of the ice-berg.

S: And what’s even more frightening for me is that area is that they are the once that we know about

E: Exactly,

S: There are so many, and I’ve had many people that have contacted me that have unfortunately been to the police but have got no further. There has been nothing they can do and this is New Zealand that I am talking about. Or, they just have nowhere to turn. And some of them haven’t even told their families. They are dealing with it themselves. And I find that very sad that we are not better structured in a way that we are dealing with this situation. I mean I was blown away yesterday. There are some very good things happening here in Australia. And I suspect that some of the initiations are probably leading in the world in terms of what has been done in this particular area.

E: I was very, very taken by that, by the symposium.

Part 3 of the discussion:

E: What I wanted to ask you next was in leading there was about the shame. When you came back from your imprisonment and the confronted the whole media and everything and the both shaming and the victim blaming which I find is a huge thing. Or is it self-censorship, do you think?

S: I think it is probably a combination of things. I think that firstly, that as a society, we’ve always tendered to victim blame anyway. I am talking about the incidents of domestic violence and incidences of rape, whereas as a society, you know, we have victim blamed. Well, why do we do it? I think, it’s easier. Because to blame a victim takes a level of responsibility away from society having to do something about the issue. So, it’s about we just tell the victim to fix themselves.

So I think that it is an attitudinal societal issue that needs further exploring. I do see, it’s starting to turn. I, you know, yesterday was empowering to me in the fact that, as you said, there’s these two high powered Government officials who had a level of genuine empathy. Who totally realised, that, you know, that victim blaming is not the solution. For me, in terms of my own shame and humiliation. I. That was amidst those few weeks and months after arrest and it was all to do, it just got to a point with me where I thought, you know: This isn’t healthy. It is not healthy to stay in this state. I now understand that actually we as victims, or when we were victims. You know, we did not do anything wrong. And then, you know, I began to realise: if we did nothing wrong, why are we feeling the shame?

E: Exactly,

S: You know, because the shame is not ours. Shame needs to lie with the scammers. With those that are corrupt.

E: Well, I’ve been researching pornography a long time and that’s what I realised when I sort of woke up, that the patterns are exactly the same.

S: The other interesting which is relative in all of these issues is that there is a market. So, while there is a market for pornography, while there is a market for drugs, while there is a market for money laundering, you know, the corrupt behaviour of scammers will continue. So, it’s no point our energy into trying to stop that, because it is not going to stop. 

E: Exactly

S: What we have to focus our time on is those that end up in being the unwitting victims, those that end up being caught up in the cycle in some way or another. So, there isn’t one solution. I think that the most empowering thing for a victim is to be able to tell their story and feel like they are being heard, without being judged. And again, as a society, it is hard for people not to judge, you know. Even if you don’t verbalise it. You have a thought. That is a judgement and it’s hard not to judge. Trust me, I have been trying to really hard. My experience in prison thought me I needed to. You know, the women that chose to be drug mules. I need not to judge them because I didn’t walk in their shoes. I hear people say, and they are well meaning. And I know they care. But they say something like, you know: ‘Look, I know it wasn’t your fault but do you regret some of the silly decision you made? And that’s because we have been conditioned into thinking that. For me, as I suggested yesterday. You know, there is a lot of work to do but I think that there is some people out in there with the right intention and I think that we just need to. If we can start to create those safe, respectful, nonjudgmental environments where victims are able to tell their stories, there way. And to just have people to continue to respect them and to have a relationship with them, I am sure, it will be far more empowering than a lot that is going on currently.

E: You said before that forgiveness, gratitude and family. Let’s talk about them a little bit in here.

S: So, forgiveness became very important to me not to live prison bitter and twisted and wanting to string my scammer up and to, you know, crave a shotgun and you know, go after a group of scammers. I, you know, that’s just not a way of me being able to move forward. So, I had been thinking along, for a long time how was I going to do this. So, I watched a movie that has Nelson Mandela in it, called Invictus and it’s a very good movie and it’s got some very good messages in it. And one of the things that Mandela said to his staff when he was first elected as Prime Minister and they were refusing to work with their white collogues. He brought them all together and he talked to them and said, you know: ‘Forgiveness liberates the soul.’ And I thought: how true is that. And I thought that well, OMG if Mandela can forgive the country, then who am I to hold on to, you know to these negative feelings. I needed to forgive and. So, I did. And actually, once I had that almost epiphany, I realised that, you know, forgiving the other person isn’t about them, you know. Because it may have no impact on them. But it’s all about yourself. So, in order to forgive someone else, you know, it does liberate your soul. You are then in a position to be able to move forward.

In fact, I tweeted a tweeter a while ago about a story where they had actually caught some scammers. And while that was great and positive. I said it’s like stepping on an ant. Because that is what it’s like. You squash one, but there are millions to follow. And it’s very much the same as this. So, I do believe that a lot of the answer lies in the Internet, even though that was, you know, the vehicle in which is used, nowadays to scam many people. That doesn’t mean that I am against the Internet or that I am against technology. Not at all. No, I think that we can use that to our advantage, just as easily as the scammers use it to their advantage. I guess when said all that

Ah, that the other one, that we talked about was gratitude. And, you know. This probably occurred within days of my arrest that, I became grateful that I had never made my destination. What would have happened, I would have been met by someone that I would not have recognised. May have been the person I was talking to but it wasn’t the person I’d fallen in love with.

E: Yes,

S: You know, what would they have done with me? Because by that point, I guess, I would have known that it was a hoax

E: and already trafficking

S: That’s right, and I was already a drug trafficker. And, you know. That in itself would have been hard enough to deal with. I was grateful for that but I was also grateful, you know, for the fact that, you know, my family were not still searching for me some five years later and not finding me because I had my throat slit and was on a back street of an alley in London somewhere.

As time went by, I became grateful that I wasn’t locked up in a country with the death penalty for drug trafficking. I became grateful for the fact that there were internationals in the prison with me from a variety of countries around the world that spoke English. But, you know, at the end of it, I was most grateful for the support of family

E: Yes, that’s that I have found quite a lot now, afterwards, talking with different people, going into different libraries, meeting people that, actually, what makes the most difference is the family backing and is that you have your family behind you and they are not leaving you behind. I always want to say like in this movie: Lilo and Stitch where the Hawaiian say that it is a family and the family is the unit and you never.

S: Leave them behind

E: Yes. I found that myself. Do you agree?

S: Oh, totally. You know, I think in many ways this whole experience has probably been harder on them than it has been on me. My family had to deal with and still had to go to work and you know, create an income and figure out the way that they were going to pay a

E: After you came back and then what had your backing, I saw them there, yesterday. I have the same thing. So, I feel that that shame is somehow taken away because of that. And that makes all the difference there. I don’t care about anybody else. How about you?

S: Yeah. Totally. I mean, my family was my whole reason for surviving. You know, they are my reason now for standing up and talking about it, because I saw the impact on them.

E: They often say that your worst experiences turn out to be your best experiences. How has this whole thing changed you?

S: Well, I certainly have become far more knowledgeable about how the scammers operate. And all about those things.

E: How about inward? As a human being?

S: I guess, and I tried to write this the other day. On the lines that I realised that many of the experiences, and I am not saying this as articulately as I like to but… You know, the experiences that we have in life, we do have the opportunity to determine how these experiences impact on us. So, we can choose to take a negative or a positive experience, in our lives and we can determine the outcome. Now, by that I mean, I knew, I wanted some good to come out of this. And if that good is by sharing my story, by, you know, working on campaigns, working with Mule, helping others, standing up and speaking and advocating on behalf of other victims. I guess, I was just speaking to my daughter last night, I was saying, I’ve always. My work has always been something that can easily consume me.

E: Yes,

S; You know, not just this that I am doing now but even in my past. So, I guess in that respect, I haven’t changed. Just my focus has changed. And, you know, six years ago, I would never have thought that. I mean, I never would have thought what I went though, I went through. But this isn’t an issue that may never have crossed my path. So, I feel by the mare fact that it did, a some sort of indication that I need to, that I am on the right path. That I need to work in this area someway or another.

E: Yes, cause, you can never forget something that is so, so big. In my book, Love on the Line, I’ve written, like you know, two short stories because I wanted to recreate the ending to be the happy ending. Cause I do believe in happy endings, still and I believe in romance and in there I even compare what the scammers did, like, you know, how they got our, us into this romantic mode. Which was exactly similar to the romance books that many people love in that way.  So, in this way do you believe that you are going to contribute to getting your own happy ending and what does that look like?

S: Well, you know. I am not quite sure what that would look like. Right for the here or now, it is the ability to be able to pay my way in the world again. You know, I have struggled to find work.

E: Yes,

S: I am writing a book. I am writing a book, as you know. To share my experience and my learnings. Things I do to be grateful for, but also I’ve got some contributions from others who are going to write about their knowledge in this particular area. More so, not to substantiate what I am saying, but more to put a bit of, almost like evidence behind. Because, you know, there is research being done now. There are, as we know Dr Cassandra Cross and I am excited about her research coming out.

You know, the book isn’t necessarily for those that are sceptics. I would like to think that if they read it, because often sceptics don’t read it, but if they read it, they may get a bit of an insight, but more it’s for those, you know, sitting on the fence. And little bit not sure. Hopefully, it may give them some signs to recognise if it’s happening amongst their friends and family. I am not doing this for them. I am not doing this to change the minds of those that are judgmental and critical. You know, I am doing it for those that are sitting on the fence or for those that want to know more about the subject.

E: Exactly. Well this is the reason that I wrote my book too.

So, I did write a book about it. Now, since we are in this new era of the digital world, I will give you a digital version of my book as thanks. If you don’t mind.

S: Thanks you

E: That’s a digital version, so you can download that to any of your devices. Now that you in the world and not cut anywhere. And I really, really thank you for coming and talking with me and I am sure in the future we are going to do quite a lot of work together.

S: I am sure. Thank you, Elina

E: Thank you for watching and goodbye.